Promises And Forevers
by IncredibleHolby
Summary: (A sequel to my Holby City fic 'Twinkle Twinkle') It's time for Star Sheward's 2nd rotation which is on Holby's E.D, but will she be able to step up to the plate? This plucky F1 will come to realize that the glitz of A&E isn't all it's cracked up to be, and that not everyone is what they first appear... *Trigger warning- Domestic violence*
1. A Change Of Pace

**Hello :) **

**Just a quite note to say that, as the summary states, this is a sequel to a story I wrote previously (A Holby City fanfiction called 'Twinkle Twinkle') so you should read that first if you haven't yet so that you can understand the plot. Also the summary includes a notice about a trigger warning surrounding this story, so without giving away the plot of the story, I will always put an individual warning at the start of any chapters which include any of these sensitive topics. Finally, for reference, this story is set quite a few months after it's counterpart, meaning Star is healed after her accident and Colette is now back in Holby permanently. If you enjoy this story please leave a review, because I love to read them and they really help be improved and inspire me when I'm writing further chapters!**

The four junior doctors had only arrived home a short while ago, but were already bunched up around the TV with a movie on, and a selection of Indian takeaway food infront of them. They were deep in conversation about the days happenings, as it was the last full day they'd all have on the same ward because the new ward rotations for F1 and F2s began the very next day.

"So where are you all then?" Arthur queried, pushing his glasses up his nose in his usual fashion. He was the only one of the four who would be staying put on Keller.

"Pediatrics," Dominic replied, a grimace on his face, "I did a stint on there when I was at med school and oh my god.." He whinged, which was met my laughs from the rest of the group.

"Neurology," Zosia replied, raising her eyebrows at her half sister, "I'd put anything that having something to do with Dad," She added, which caused Star to nod.

"I never got chance to open my letter actually," Star explained, pulling it out of her bag which was sat next to her. She carefully ripped open the envelope and scanned through the black and white text. "Oh god please no," She mumbled, catching the attention of her friends, "I'm on the E fricking D," She sighed, knowing that it would be _very _hard and demanding work, and a stark contrast to the quite atmosphere of general surgery on Keller.

"Who's your mentor?" Dom questioned, having heard stories of the clinical lead Mrs Beauchamp and her 'No-nonsense' reputation.

"Connie Beauchamp," She replied, flopping her head on to the shoulder of her boyfriend, Arthur, realising what he was getting at.

"Isn't she the one that made that student nurse cry? Sophie I think she was called?" Zosia quizzed unhelpfully, not passing up the opportunity to wind up her sibling. Dom nodded, and Star sighed,

"Oh yippie!" She remarked sarcastically. Arthur gave her a reassuring smile, which made her feel slightly better but she knew full well it wasn't going to be easy..

A new day was beginning, as the sun began to rise over Holby. Arthur and Star awoke almost simultaneously to the ear piercing sound of their alarm. Star sighed as she turned it off, and sat up in bed to stretch her tired limbs.

"Morning Twinkle Twinkle," Arthur greeted, which was met by a smirk from Star at his use of a nickname given to her months ago by colleague Fleur Fanshawe. She smiled at him in for a short kiss, before getting out of bed. She walked to the wardrobe to pick out some clothes, while Arthur scrolled through his social media.

"How you feeling about today then?" He asked her, as she closed the wardrobe, a pair of light wash skinny jeans and a slogan jumper slung over her arms.

"Alright I guess, I'm sure I'll be fine but I feel like it'll be a bit of a leap from working on Keller," She admitted, before leaving the bedroom to shower. Elsewhere Zosia had already got ready, and was sitting at the small dining table with Dom, eating from a communal pile of toast that he'd made, and they were discussing the day to come and complaining about their new placements to eachother. Arthur then entered the room and joined them at the table.

"Excited for the day?" He upped, knowing by their expressions that they clearly weren't. He grabbed a piece of toast and started to eat it and Star entered the room, her shoes now also on. After a short while of eating, and sufficient moaning from Zosia and Dominic the group were ready to go and walked around to the hospital together. Star departed the group upon entry, no longer having to get in the lift. She turned the corner and entered her new workspace - the E.D. Her eyes widened slightly, as she walked into reception, and she turned to the desk.

"Excuse me?" She began, a young, dark haired, female receptionist looked up to her, "I'm the new F1, I'm supposed to be meeting a Mrs Beauchamp?" She explained, and the receptionist nodded,

"Okay, I'll get someone to take you down," She told her, gesturing to a youngish looking porter who'd just come in the doors. "Max! Can you take Miss..?" She paused, realising she'd forgotten to ask her name,

"Sheward, Star Sheward" Star finished for her.

"Can you take her onto the ward please, she's here for Mrs Beauchamp," The receptionist asked him. The porter nodded, and guided her past the desk,

"Sure, I'm Max, a humble porter," He greeted, giving a mock bow. Star giggled and smiled back at him. They asked in silence until they arrived on the ward floor. "Cal?" Max asked, walking over to someone she presumed was a doctor, as she was leaning at the nurse's station with some files. He span around to face them,

"Max, what can I do for you?" He asked, looking past his shoulder to where Star was standing.

"I've got the new F1 here, Dr Star Sheward, she's to report to Mrs B," He explained to him. Cal nodded,

"Thanks, leave her with me," He replied, and before leaving Max turned to star,

"Watch out for this one - he's what they call a player..!" He remarked with a laugh, just loud enough for him to here. He disappeared, and Cal rolled her eyes,

"Ignore him. I'm Dr Cole Knight, but call me Cal," He introduced, reaching out to shake her hand. She smiled at him as she shook his hand. "I'm afraid Mr Beauchamp's in a meeting right now, but I'm on a break so I could show you around and get you scrubbed in and suchlike if you want?" He offered, his blue eyes sparkling ever so slightly. Star nodded graciously,

"Thanks, I'd really appreciate that!" She replied, slightly charmed by his pleasant nature.

He guided her briefly around areas such as the cubicles and resus, before showing her to the staff room. He nodded to his brother, Ethan and Nurse Robyn.

"This is my brother Ethan Hardy, a registrar like myself, and Robin Miller, she's a nurse," He introduced. "Guys this is Star, she's the new F1," He added. Robyn grinned at her, and Ethan gave a smile also,

"Nice to meet you," Star greeted, perching on one of the stools at a breakfast bar style table by some lockers, while Cal went to grab her some sea blue scrubs.

"Here," He said, passing them over to her, "Robyn, could you show her where she can change?" Cal then asked, sitting down next his brother. Robyn nodded, getting up and guiding down the hall to the changing room. Star nodded a thank you, before going in and putting her scrubs and name badge on. She folded her clothes into her bag and put her stethoscope around her neck. She exited the room and was met by a waiting Robyn,

"So what ward have you come down from?" She asked, as they walked back to the staff room.

"Keller," She answered. The two girls then sat back down with Ethan and Cal, and exchanged in some small talk, and Star made the conscious decision not to mention her family too much for now incase the treated her differently; she wanted them to build judgements of herself first, without the fact that she was the CEO's daughter getting in the way. Cal then glanced at the clock,

"My break's over, and I think Mrs Beauchamp will be around by now," He stated getting up and heading to the door. Star waved a goodbye to her two new colleagues and followed Cal to the clinical lad's office. Star knocked on the door, and Cal turned to walk away,

"See you later?" He asked hopefully, to which Star nodded, before being called to enter the office.

"Morning Mrs Beauchamp," She greeted, remembering the advice Cal had given her about talking to the clinical lead.

"You're the new F1 I presume?" Connie questioned, a slight smile creeping across her face at the way the young doctor had addressed her. She glanced down to a file infront of her, "Dr Star Sheward?" She the added swiftly. Star nodded simply. "Right. Well, I'm sorry I wasn't here this morning, but I was held up in a meeting. I see you found your way around ok?" She quizzed, noting the fact she'd already got scrubs on, which pleased her as it showed initiative.

"Yeah, I did. Dr Knight showed me around," She explained, pushing a loose hair out of her face which had fallen out of her smooth ponytail.

"Good," Connie continued plainly, "Okay, so I've taken aof brief look through your portfolio, which was pretty good," She complimented with a small smile, causing Star to glow inwardly with pride, "And I'd like you to shadow me for this morning, and I'll then have you work with one of the registrars in the cubical after lunch," She explained, as Star nodded. Connie stood up, "If you have no further questions we can get going," Star shook head and followed her out of the office.

The morning ending quite quickly, and it had been an interesting experience for Star as she'd had to adjust to the altered pace of working, however she was taking it in her stride and was beginning to enjoy herself. She was sitting at a table waiting for Zosia, as they'd agreed to meet since they had the same lunch break that day. Her sister arrived at the table with two sandwiches and two coffees.

"Oh, thanks," Star, taking a sandwich and a coffee from her. Zosia shrugged,

"_Anything_ to get away from Dad breathing down my neck," she complained, taking a sip of her coffee. "He's been doing my head in all morning because he doesn't seem to have anything bloody better to do than pester me" She continued, sighing. Star laughed,

"Are you're surprised why?" She quipped. Zosia smirked,

"Very true! What about you, is Mrs Beauchamp as bad as we've heard?" Zosia asked her, as Star took a few bites of her sandwich.

"Not so far," Star admitted, "It seems like so long as I keep on her good side and don't mess up _too _horrifically, that I'll be out of the firing line," She mused, drinking some of her coffee. Zosia nodded, surprise at her reply, considering what people had said about Connie before. "She does get pretty pissed of if you don't call her Mrs or Dr Beauchamp though.." Star added, smirking at the memory of watching Max being scolded for referring to her as 'Mrs B'. The two girls proceeded to spend the remainder of their lunch break gossiping about new colleagues and what their wards were like.


	2. Faces Old and New

*This chapter may contain medical inaccuracies*

Lunch flew by, and before Star knew it she was saying her goodbyes to Zosia and heading back along to the E.D. She was met at the nurse's station by Connie,

"Afternoon," She greeted, giving her a slight smile, "I've paired you up with Dr Knight for the rest of your shift - seeing as the two of you met this morning. You are to observe at assist him in a the cubicles," She explained, as Cal appeared at Connie's side. Connie nodded to him before walking away towards her office.

"You just can't stay away can you?" He mocked with a smirk. Star rolled her eyes and hit his arm playfully. Cal pull a mock sad face, and looked down at her, suddenly realising how much shorter than him he was, as she had somewhat of a petite figure. "Don't be a bully - shortie," He quipped. She pulled a face, fighting the urge not to blush,

"Very funny!" she retorted, shaking her head at him. "Shall we get on then?" She asked, feeling slightly keen to start. Cal nodded, and guiding her towards the third cubicle, where a middle aged woman was sitting.

"Hello Mrs Waterston, I'm Dr Knight, and this is Dr Sheward she's a junior doctor and is going to help me assess you," He explained, trying not to intimidate the patient. Star gave a smile to the patient,

"So, what's troubling you today?" She questioned.

"I've been having these _awful _dizzy spells and episodes of vomiting and diarrhea," The patient told her, listing off her symptoms, and rubbing her stomach slightly in an attempt to soothe it. Star nodded, and Cal began to speak,

"Okay, well I think we need to order, FBCs, U&amp;Es and an ultrasound," He instructed to the nurse also present in the cubicle, he looked at Star, "Dr Sheward anything to add?" He asked her.

"Bloods?" She suggested, "To rule out any blood borne infections, and to rule out food poisoning?" She suggested. Dr Knight nodded,

"Yes, good spot," He replied with a smile, exiting the cubicle as Star followed closely behind him.

The pair spent the next few hours treating a variety of people in the cubicles with a vast range of injuries and within a broad spectrum of severities. Over the course of the afternoon they'd discovered that they made a pretty good team, and picked up on each other's shortfalls. Once their shifts were over they headed to the staff room to get their stuff,

"So, I think after that performance, we deserve a drink - you fancy it?" He offered, "It won't just be me you'll have to put up with though, Robyn, Max, Lofty and my brother will most likely be around too," He added, trying too seem less like has trying to flirt. Star locked her locker back up and turned to him,

"Sure why not?" She replied, smiling at him. They then both went their separate ways to get changed and met back up in reception. Star had now let her dark brown hair out of the bun it'd been in andbeen it now had some light waves in as it cascaded over each of her shoulders and over her chest. She smiled slightly to Cal as he came over to her, now wearing medium wash jeans and a black top with a simple grey hoodie. They walked out and entered the local, a place Star knew all too well. As predicted the other four were sitting at a table in the corner of the room. Upon seeing them Robyn waved them over and they joined them, with Star sitting in between Robyn and Loft, and Cal taking the chair between Max and Robyn.

"You alright guys?" Robyn asked, grinning at them. Cal nodded, simply, saying nothing.

"Yeah, it wasn't actually that bad today - I was expecting worse," Star admitted, shaking her head at herself slightly.

"I was like that," Lofty agreed, recalling his first day on the E.D. Max shook his head at him,

"Not quite Lofty mate - She wasn't as white as a bloody sheet all day and constantly saying 'Imgonnabesick' all the time," He mocked, mimicking Lofty's voice. This was met by laughs from the whole table, except Lofty himself who pulled a bit of a face.

"You two want any drinks?" Ethan then piped up, looking over to his brother and Star who both nodded.

"If you're offering?" Cal replied with a smirk. Ethan rolled his eyes and got up to get them and himself some drinks.

"So _Caleb _you've been aloud to have this one follow you around the _whole _afternoon - have you pulled?" Max joked, which was met by smirk from Robyn and Lofty. A look of irritation crossed Cal's face, and Star avoid eye contact with them all as she suddenly felt very awkward,

"Shut up Max you twat," He retorted, as Ethan can back over and handed out the glasses. Ethan raised his eyebrows, not entirely sure what was going on.

"Trouble in paradise," Max muttered to the two nurses, causing them to start laughing again. Ethan shook his head, and turned to Star,

"So, what exciting stories do you have to regale us with from upstairs?" He asked, curious to get to know her a little more as he hadn't spoken to her very much yet. Star shrugged,

"Well, there was that I've time on my first day where I got _hit in the face_," She explained with a smirk. Ethan raised and eyebrow, and Star continued, "Apparently I looked too much like a child and he refused to be treated by me, and when the person I was shadowing told him off and said to me to continue I got a slap in the face," She explained, shaking her head.

"Great bit of experience for working down here on the E.D then!" Ethan remarked with a laugh.

The group continued to talk for just over an hour, and were all getting on like a house on fire, when the conversation was interupted by Star's ringing phone.

"Sorry," She said, walking a little bit away to answer the phone, as the called I'd was Arthur. "Hello?" She greeted down the phone.

"Where are you?" Arthur aske, his voice a strange mixture of irritation and concern.

"Albie's with some of my new colleagues she explained, "Why?" She asked, forgetting that they'd agreed to go out for a meal.

"Oh.." He replied, sounding dejected, "That Italian place - I've been waitingplace nearly twenty minutes for you.."

"Oh Arthur, God, I'm so so sorry, I'll jump in a taxi now - I got caught up.." She garbled, feeling incredibly guilty.

"It's fine, see you soon," He replied shortly, before ending the call. She sighed before heading back to the table.

"Sorry everyone," She said, picking up her bag, "I forgot, I was meant to be meeting my boyfriend for a meal," She explained. Before she left Cal raised a brow, Tring not to show his disappointment,

"Boyfriend?" He queried. Star nodded,

"Yeah, Arthur Digby," She explained, before turning and leaving. Once she'd gone Max let out a loud laugh,

"Aha, you've been trumped by Arthur," He laughed, knowing that Cal's ego had most likely been bruised as he was used to getting any girl he wanted.

Star jumped out of the taxi, and speed walked over to where Arthur was waiting for her. When she got to where he she pulled him into a hug and kissed his cheek,

"I'm sorry babe I got caught up, it's been a busy day," She explain apologetically. Arthur shook his head,

"Honestly, it's fine and I totally understand," He explained, taking her hand as they walked inside and got a table. They sat across from each other in a secluded booth in the quiet end of the restaurant.

"So, have you missed us all upstairs?" Star asked, curious to hear about his day. She picked up the menu after speaking and began to scan through it,

"It was alright, it felt really weird not having any of you lot about though," He admitted, picking up the other menu that was on the table. "It was quiet too, but there's only one new person - An F2 called Sam, but he's not really aid much to me. How about you? From what I gathered on the phone you seemed to have made friends?" He quizzed, wondering who exactly had caused her to forget the evening she'd previous been excited for. She nodded, smiling slightly,

"Oh yeah, there's quite a few down there - everyone's been so friendly. I was out with a couple of nurses, Robyn and Lofty, Max the porter and a couple of doctors: Ethan and Cal, they're brothers," She explained, setting her menu down after choosing what she wanted to eat. Arthur nodded slowly, pleased to hear that she was making friends.

"Oh yeah? I've seen the porter about before I think - I know that Zosia can't _stand _him, something to do with his 'Childish humour'?" He recalled, which was met by a smirkshe from his girlfriend,

"Yep - sounds about right!"

"Zosia was telling me how Mrs Beauchamp wasn't so bad either?" He then stated inquisitivly. Star gave a slight nod, as the waiter came over and took their orders.

"Yeah, it seems she has a _lot _of lines, but if you don't cross them then it's sort of okay," She explained, when the waiter had gone, "Her personna doesn't half seem a bit icy though," Star added thoughtfully.

"That shouldn't matter you though - I'd say you're better than you give yourself credit for, and you would never cross any of so-called 'lines' unless it really was necessary," He complimented shyly, causing Star to blush a deep shade of pink.

"Thank you.." She replied, a beam consuming her pale face. Arthur returned her smile, and took her hands across the table, stroking the back of them gently with his thumbs. She couldn't help but continue to smile like an idiot,

"Arthur.." She began, "I've never had a chance to say this properly, but I really _do _need to thank you - you've put up with so much, and you've helped me more than you'll even know. These last few months have been some of the best; part of that's down to you.." She proclaimed, her voice lowering almost to a whisper as a few happy tears were she'd from her eyes. She then shook her head, "Damn hormones," Star quipped, met by a smile from Arthur, who seemed more than please by what she'd just admitted to him. He grinned,

"I was going to give this to you later, but since you've set up such a moment.." He began, pulling a small box out of him pocket and handing it to her. She blushed slightly again as she opened it. Inside was a silver chain necklace with a small infinity charm on it. She looked at him, graciously and pulled him in for a kiss.

"Oh gosh, _Arthur_! It's so beautiful," She responded, clasping it on around her neck. "I feel like I should've got you something now.." She trailed off, a shadow of guilt creeping up on her. He shook his head,

"You don't have to get me anything, just having you is more than enough,"


	3. Alcoholics Anonymous

Star had been working on the E.D for almost a full week, and the days had begun to engage some sort of loose structure: The first half of her shift was spent shadowing Connie, whether that was in resus, cubical or even theatre occasionally. The time after her lunch break was spent with one of the registrars (Usually Cal, as they'd really hit it off, however having worked with Ethan a few days in a row they were also becoming closer.) working in cubicles. However today was slightly different, as the clinical lead was away for the morning, so Star had to shadow consultant Zoe Hanna instead. After scrubbing in she waited in the staff room for her as instructed the previous day by Mrs Beauchamp. After a few minutes of waiting a dark middle aged woman walked in,

"Are you Dr Sheward?" She asked, walking over to where she was sitting. Star nodded,

"Yeah, so I presume that makes you Dr Hanna?" Star replied, and this time Zoe nodded and gave her a smile.

"That's me!" Zoe answered, as Star got up. They walked out of the staff room, chatting briefly about what they would do that morning, and Zoe also wanted to get to know her a little more and she only knew what little Connie had mentioned to her. The two women worked nonstop until lunchtime, but enjoyed each other's company, and Star appreciated the fact that Zoe was allowing her more freedom to do things by herself whilst shadowing her, unlike Connie who generally had her observe or only help with more basic things to begin with. Zoe was also impressed by the young woman's level of skill and overall 'happy go lucky' personality.

"Nice work this morning - I'll be sure to pass on my report to Mrs Beauchamp," Zoe praised with a smile, before walking away and leaving Star in the staff room as her lunch break had begun. Star headed over to her locker to grab her phone and some cash for a drink and some food. Just as she was walking out of the room to go to the café she walked right into Cal. She lost her balance, and almost fell on to the floor, but a hand came around her waist and pulled her up. She looked up, realising that the arm did in fact belong to Cal. She blushed as she stood up,

"Sorry," She said, trying to hide her still slightly flushed face. Cal shrugged, removing his arm which he'd allowed to linger around her petite frame for a few moments,

"It's fine," He replied simply, smiling to himself as he spotted a redness leaving her face. "Are you okay?" He then asked her, as her eyes finally looked back up to him.

"Yeah, I'm ok," She replied simply, darting out of the room to the café before he could say anything else. Moments later she reappeared in the staff room with a coffee, and Cal was still there. He was sitting on one of the small sofas and was tapping away at his phone. He gave her a small smile as she re-entered the room and gestured for her to come and sit with him. As she did she caught sight of an image of a local fancy restaurant on his screen,

"Looks nice," She commented, taking a sip of her coffee and pulling out her own phone. He nodded,

"Yeah, I'm going there tonight with Ethan," He explained, nodding slightly, "Hey, I don't suppose you fancy joining us? A little 'celebration' of your first week?" He offered, looking to her and grinning. Star couldn't help but smile and nodded, knowing that surely this time nothing would go wrong as she had no prior arrangements with anybody,

"I'd love to - but are you sure I wouldn't be intruding, won't Ethan mind?" She queried. Cal simply shook his head,

"Nah, He won't mind," He answered, knowing full well he wouldn't, since he wasn't really coming - not that she needed to know that. "It'd be our pleasure," He assured. Star nodded finally,

"Alright then, why not?" She concluded, smiling at him again. He nodded and glanced to the clock,

"Okay, well break's over, but you're working with me anyway so we can set off when we're both changed," He replied, "And I think Ethan is meeting us at reception," He added hastily.

After the pair's shift was over they headed back to the locker room to get their things and get changed. Star sat down on the sofa, waiting for Cal to return, as he'd gone out of the room to fins Ethan or something. She smoothed down her unruly brown hair, so it cascaded down her left shoulder. After doing this she reapplied her pale pink, nude lip gloss. Cal then came back into the room, with a slight look of 'iritation' of his face,

"What's up?" Star asked, seeing his change of mood. Cal put some stuff into his lock and closed it before speaking,

"Ethan can't come now - he claims he has work to do or something," He lied, not meaning to be malicious, he just thought that if it was just him from the start she was likely to come, "So it's just us,"

"Oh, that sucks for him," Star replied, standing up to go. The pair then got a taxi to the restaurant, which was about a 10 minute drive away from river the hospital. Upon arrival they were seated and began to scrutinise the menu and decide what they wanted to eat. Once they'd selected food they also had to decide of beverages,

"Do you want to share a bottle of the house wine?" Cal suggested. Star sighed inwardly, as she had never been a big drinker, especially after the incident a few months ago when she had a bit of a break down. She nodded, something in her deciding to simply give in,

"Yeah, go on then, I'll have a glass or two," She replied. He nodded, and placed their order with the waitress.

Two bottles of wine and a meal later the pair were considerably drunk, and Cal had become flirtier than usual, and Star seemed to be playing up to it - despite the fact that her sober self would've have entertained the idea,

"So, shall we continue this at my house?" Cal suggested, a clear slur in his words. Star gave a lop-sided grin, and pulled him up from the table after they'd paid. They got in another taxi, and arrived at the flat he shared with his brother, who was most likely now asleep. As the walked in Cal's arm was draped around her shoulders, and her head was on his shoulder while they supported themselves on each other as neither of them could walk straight. Minutes after entering and sitting down a fit of built up passion overcame the couple and they kissed each over deeply, before moving things on to Cal's bedroom...

Hours after falling asleep next Cal, Star's eyes burst open and darted around her surroundings; she swallowed heard, realising what she'd done, as fragments of memory came back from her drunken evening. She looked down at herself, realising she had no clothes, but knowing that she needed to get out. She wriggled slowly out of his grasp, and used her phone as a light to locate her clothes. As she pulled on her clothes she sighed to herself, almost fighting the urge not to cry - devastated by the fact she'd been pulled in, and now having cheated on Arthur, the guy she'd thought was the love of her life. A familiar sense of being trapped overwhelmed her a she scrambled out of the room, knowing she could do this here. Her hands were trembling as she reached for the front door, praying that it was open, but it seemed to have been locked by somebody. Her stomach churned, as her hands began to sweat; this was one of the worst panic attacks she'd had in a long time, and she needed to get out, but she couldn't. She tried the door again, willing it to open so she could breath some fresh air, and remove herself from the situation. The room began spinning slightly, so she slammed down on other the floor and leant her back against the door, as a figure cam over, out of one of the doors at the end of the hall, they flicked a light switch on and the room illuminated - It was Ethan. She had her face from him, embraced by the sheer state of panic she was in. He knelt down beside her, a look of concern on his face, knowing full well how she'd ended up here and feeling sorry for her

"Are you ok?" He asked her, noting some of the telltale signs of a panic attack.

"Out," Was the only word Star managed to spit out, her breathing still very short. Ethan stood up to unlock the door, and had to help Star up, seeing that she was still dizzy. She tried to run out of the door, but Ethan stopped her,

"I don't think that's a good idea," He stated, as she was very clearly anxious and panicked. "Let me drive you home, at least," He pleaded, knowing he'd worry and feel guilty if her just let her go by herself. "You don't have to tell me anything, and Cal doesn't have to know," He then promised. Star gave him a weak nod, as although she was no longer at the peak of her panic level she still knew that walking home would be foolish - especially as she wasn't exactly sure how to get home, and she was still slightly intoxicated. Ethan exited the flat, and assisted her to get in the car, as she drove to where she said she lived.

"Sorry," She breathed as they got to the corner where he could stop. Ethan shrugged, as she stopped so she could get out, "Thanks you," she mumbled as she got out and walked into the flat. Ethan's eye watched her intently as she made her journey to her door, thinking about what a state she'd been in and what a contrast it was to her bright, cheery attitude the previous week.

Star walked in quietly, careful not to walk the others up, her panic levels now almost at zero. She entered the bedroom she and Arthur shared, and as she laid eyes on him she was hit by a pang of guilt, thinking about how heartbroken he'd be if he knew what she'd just being doing an where she'd been. She sighed, what would he tell him, and what about the others? With another sigh she pulled on something to sleep in, and got into bed next to him, curling up against his warmth, and allowing herself to focus solely on her breathing. However she was constantly distracted, by her thoughts racing, deliberating about what in earth she would tell him; would honesty really be the best policy here, or should she spare his feelings? At some point while she deliberated about how best to hide, or not, the events of that evening, not even yet bearing to consider the future, sleep consumed her. However the sleep was far from peaceful, as she tossed and turned, seemingly having an internal argument with herself as she slept.


	4. The Morning After The Night Before

***Trigger warning - Domestic Violence***

The sound of driving hail and rain caused Star to awake, a headache creeping up on her almost immediately. She groaned as she pulled herself up into a sitting position, and noticed Arthur was fully dressed and sitting at the end of the bed putting on shoes.

"Are you ok?" He asked, turning his head to face her once he'd finished tieing his shoes. She gave a slight nod, despite the fact she felt pretty hungover. He moved to sit next to her, "Where'd you get to last night?" He then asked, pushing a stray hair out of her eyes. Star sighed slightly to herself, dreading telling him the truth,

"I was covering part of the night shift," She lied, feeling a wave of guilt as the work tumbled out of the mouth. "I working until just after lunch and went out to get some food and when I was heading home I got a call asking if I could come back in for a few hours to cover since they were short staffed. My phone died so I couldn't text you - sorry if I worried you" She explained. Arthur nodded, thinking nothing of it as he knew that the E.D constantly had staffing issues.

"That sucks," He sympathised, taking her hand and stroking the back of it gently as he continued to speak, "I'm in now though, but Dom and Zosh are still around," He added, knowing that she started later today as she'd told him the previous day that he didn't need to wake her. She nodded, and he gave her a kiss before getting up and leaving. As the door shut with a faint bang she leaned back against the headboard, upset with what she'd just said to him, the whole situation tearing her up inside. After a few minutes of sitting like this she decided to get up and shower, since her shift was in a few hours time. Upon leaving the room she was met by Zosia, who was heading for the bathroom, and Dom was just leaving and shut the door with a slight slam,

"You go," She gestured to her sister, as she diverted to the kitchen. She made herself some toast, and sat down at the table to eat it. Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and she pulled it out hesitantly, worried it would be from Cal:

***2 unread messages***

**Ethan Hardy **

**Hi r u ok? Has that happened b4?**

She sighed, knowing that he was referencing the panic attack, as she couldn't hide it from his as he was a doctor so he'd have seen it before. Her eyes looked down to read the rest of the text,

**Ethan Hardy**

**Am here to talk if u ever need me :)**

She smiled at his gesture, pleased that he wasn't judging her as others had in the past - even though he'd not known her very long at all. She took a deep breath before opening the second message:

***1 unread message***

**Cal Knight**

**We need 2 talk x**

It was so plain, so simple, he was clear what he wanted; the kiss at the end threw her however, it gave off a mixed message that unsettled her. Still staring down at her phone her thoughts were interupted by Zosia joining her at the table, now changed and showered.

"Are you alright..?" She asked slowly, noticing her Star's odd expression. Star's eyes snapped up to meet hers and she nodded slightly, unsure whether or not she hold say anything. "You weren't on a night shift last night were you?" Zosia asked gently, having seen her be dropped off last night, as she herself was having problems sleeping lately. Star froze, unsure of whether or not she should admit what she'd done. A part her needed to tell somebody, so nodded slowly, not making eye contact with her. Zosia frowned, surprised at her, as she thought that her and Arthur were really committed.

"Have you told Arthur yet?" She asked carefully, not wanting to put her foot in it. She stopped short of asking who it was, knowing that it wasn't really any of her business. Star shook her head again, and she looked as if she was going to cry. Zosia pulled her into a hug. As they pulled away from each other Star disappeared off to the shower, as talking about it just highlighted to her the fact that it was real - any that she was going to have to deal with it, and pick up the pieces, whether she liked it or not.

She left hastily for her shift after that, even though she'd be a bit early. After signing in at reception she was met Connie, who stopped when she saw her,

"Oh Dr Sheward, I hoping to catch you," She said, as Star stopped walking also, "I've got things to attend to this morning and Dr Hannam is busy, so I'd like you to work with one of the boys for you're whole shift. After reading Dr Hanna report from yesterday I'm sure you'll get on fine," She explained with a smile, and Star nodded. Without staying anything else the tapping of Connie's heels faded as she walked away and Star continued to the staff room. She was startled as Cal was sat near the lockers, clearly waiting for her. She proceeded to open her locker and retrieve her scrubs, not really wanting to get in to it before her shift began.

"Soo.." Cal began, also seemingly lost for words.

"So _what _Cal?" She spat, not meaning to come off so aggressive, "'I got you drunk and you cheated on you're boyfriend!' Do you want a fricking medal?" She imitated, becoming very angry very quickly and very suddenly. Cal looked slightly taken aback, as he'd not seen her angry before, he opened his mouth to protest but she stopped him, "Save it," She said simply, walking off to get changed. He sighed loudly, and stood but, just as his brother entered,

"You ok?" Ethan asked knowingly, having been stood near enough to the room 'on the phone' to heat what'd been said. Cal nodded, figuring that he'd heard him and Star come back the previous evening. "Shall I work with Star today?" He offered, knowing it would be best as it would avoid conflict. Cal nodded simply, before exiting the room silently. Star came back in at the same time, grimacing as she brushed against him when she entered. She gave Ethan a weak smile, remembering he'd also subtly mentioned he wanted to talk to her to.

"Rather than having you be constantly concern do you want me just to tell you about my panic attacks?" She asked slightly bluntly.

"You don't have too - but you are getting help right?" He querired. She nodded slowly,

"I was diagnosed at 14, but I'd been having them months before I saw anyone or even told my mother. I've been getting help and taking med but last night.. Well let's say I can't remember being that bad in a long time," She explained briefly, not making much eye contact as she busied herself with putting things in her locker. She didn't know quite why she was being so open, usually it was among the things she avoided talking about. "Thanks for helping me though," She added quietly, her eyes flickering up to him for a moment. Ethan nodded slowly,

"It's honestly nothing," He replied, not wanting her to feel any form of guilt. "I'm always here like I said if you ever need it.." He added slowly. Star simply nodded as she attached her name badge and put her stethoscope around her neck,

"Shall we get going then?" She said, as the pair headed out to cubicles.

The day went by with no particular highlights, as Star kept pretty quiet and kept her head down to get stuff done. It'd been a very different story for doctor Knight however; he'd had a string of unruly patients and had also been vomited on whilst dealing with the aftermath of a drunken RTC. On top of this he'd received a call as shift was ending from an old friend, to inform him that his old best friend from school had passed away, which broke his heart and when Cal had seen him only a month ago his friend was in a great place, having just got engaged and was expecting a child with his fiancé. Having felt so down about the news, which wasn't helped by Star's frosty reception that morning. In his usual fashion he decided that a drink would help, so he'd headed to Albie's once his shift was over, and had quite a few drinks and was considerably intoxicated. Star had also headed to the pub for a quick drink at the end of her shift, as it'd been a stressful day. Almost immediately upon entry she spotted a very drunk looking Cal, who came up to her when she entered,

"Heyyy babe," He slurred, the stench on alcohol prominent in his breath. She shook her head, caught by some amount of surprise.

"Cal! You're really drunk right now," She quipped dryly. He gave a lop sided drink and almost stumbled over. She sighed, knowing that she couldn't leave him here like this. "I think we need to get you home," She stated matter of factly, guiding out to the taxi Bay and bundling into a taxi. She wasn't planning to go with him at first, but he pulled her in clumsily. She sighed as she told the driver where to take them. When they arrived at the flat a chill went down her spine, recalling the events of the previous evening. She sighed as she paid the man and guided him upstairs to his flat, seeing no point in leaving him now. Once they got in she sat him down and text Ethan to tell him what happened to he could be prepared.

"Ethan's coming soon ok?" She told him simply. He said nothing, and snaked a dopey arm around her waist and pulled her on to his lap, and tried to plant some kisses on her, despite him being incredibly tipsy. She wriggled out his grasp, feeling very uncomfortable, "Stop," She said quietly, but he just rubbed the small of her back. She tried harder, and was able to stand up away from him, "What the hell do you thing you're doing?" She demand, her voice slightly raised. He didn't protest, but suddenly sprang up, a fit of pent up rage overcoming him as he raised his hand above her head and hit it. It wasn't hard but Star was caught by surprise, and sprang back,

"Don't reject me darling, you know you want me.." He whispered, coming right up to her ear, making her shiver. Star tried to move away from him, but this just made him even more angry so he grabbed her wrist with an agressivley tight grip.

"Stop Cal - I don't want this. Please let go," She pleaded, her breathing becoming shallower as she felt a panic attack looming over her. A few start tears escaped her brown eyes, which were filled with tears.

"Bitch," He called out, letting go of her wrist and sending her flying across the room. Being flung so hard caused her to slip and hit her head on a nearby kitchen worktop in the open plan room. She sunk to the floor, feeling some blood trickle out of her head, as a sob escaped her mouth. He gave a slight laugh to himself, as he kicked at her a few times while she was on the floor, and combined with the head injury this caused her to pass out, and minutes later Cal few asleep on the nearby sofa.


	5. Deer In The Headlights

***Warning - This chapter may contain medical inaccuracies***

Only minutes after the accident Ethan pulled up outside, and parked his car outside the block of flats. He walked quickly up to the flat, knowing that Star wouldn't appreciate being left with Cal in his drunk state, especially after the incident the night before. He didn't see star as first, but saw his brother asleep on the sofa, as the front door lead into the living room portion of the room. It wasn't until he switched on the lights that he saw the last thing he expected to see: the unconscious body of Star, with a bloody head, slumped against the floor and the kitchen counter. He flew over to her, to assess the damage and she if she was ok.

"Star?" He called, shaking the junior doctor's shoulders firmly but gently. She opened her eyes slowly, and remembered where she was and her shallow breathing and raised heart rate returned. "It's okay," He soothed, rubbing her arm, "I'm here, what happened?" He asked her, trying to keep her and himself calm. Star's eyes widened with fear as she looked over to where Cal was sleeping.

"Cal was drunk.. Tried to kiss me.. Angry because I said no.." She gasped out between her shallow breaths, a panic attack still reeking havoc with her mind. He nodded, despite the fact he was shocked at, and very angry with his brother.

"Okay, I need you to stay calm and take some deep breaths for me," He instructions calmly. She tried to deepen her breaths and control her shaking. "Aside from your head where else are you injured or in pain?" He asked, pushing some hair away from the cut on her head so he could see it better.

"My wrist is a bit sore, but my head.." She replied slowly, wincing as he touched the skin near the cut.

"I'm going to call an ambulance ok? You know how head injuries can be, and this looks deep.." He concluded, reaching to his pocket for his phone. Her eyes widened and she pulled on his arm,

"No," She whispered, "I don't want to tell them.. People will find out.. Police.." Star mumbled, slipping back of consciousness. Ethan shook his head, and went against her wishes and dialled for an ambulance.

A short time later Dixie burst through the flat door,

"Paramedics?" She called, walking in infront of Iain.

"Down here," Ethan called from the kitchen floor, not moving as he was using a towel to put pressure on her head. The two paramedics followed the voice and joined him in the kitchen,

"Ethan? Isn't this the new F1?" Dixie questioned, surprised to be seeing him.

"What've we got then mate?" Iain asked him.

"Ok - This is Star, I came in and found her here on the floor when I came in and she was un-concious. She has a large laceration on her head her and bruising to her Right wrist. He wouldn't tell me what happened," He explained, lying about his knowledge of the cause of the accident, motioning to where he was applying the pressure. Dixie nodded and knelt down beside Star,

"Star? Can you here me love? My name's Dixieland, I'm a paramedic?" She said gently, rubbing her arm in an attempt to wake her. Star's eyes opened slowly, and she was surprised by the faces she saw and tried to move, but winced as she did - now feeling a pain in her back from where he'd kicked her. "Okay, it's alright, just try and stay still for me darling, we're going to get you sorted," Dixie proceeded calmly, and then turned to Iain, "Can I have a collar and a board please, just to be on the safe side?" She requested, to which he nodded and headed to the ambulance. "Is he okay?" Dixie then asked, as she examined Star's head, gesturing to Cal who was still asleep.

"Yeah, he's just very drunk, Star brought him home because she found him and she called me to tell me, so I came home and then this.." He explained. She nodded slowly, returning to putting compression on the wound to stop it bleeding. Iain then returned with the collar and board, which they carefully put Star into before taking her down to ambulance, followed by Ethan.

Upon arrival at the hospital they were met by Zoe,

"What have we got the-" She began, not realising who was on the bed and who was accompanying her. "Ethan? Star?" She asked confused at what on earth they were doing back.

"Right, this is Star. Found KO'd on scene by Ethan, and KO'd when we arrived but was conscious between these times. Deep laceration to the back of the head, bruising to the right hand wrist and experienced discomfort when moving her back and neck. She's had 5 of morphine and her GCS is 9, BP is 130 over 80, sats are good too, but she was having a panic attack on scene when Ethan found her," Dixie explained, as her and Ian took the trolley to resus where Zoe directed.

"1..2..3.." Iain counted out as they lifted her on to the bed from the trolley with help from some nurses who were standing by.

"Thanks guys," Zoe said, as the two paramedics left. Okay Star, It's Dr Hanna - Zoe? I'm just going to take a look at you," She told her simply, knowing that she wouldn't need the full explanation since she worked there. She glanced up to Ethan whilst she examined her,

"You just found her like this?" She queried, and he nodded,

"Yeah, I was heading home because she'd found Cal off his face in Albie's and brought him home," He explained, choosing to stay quiet about what she'd told him since it was her choice to make. Zoe nodded slowly and then turned to a nurse,

"Alright, I'd like a head CT, FBCs, U&amp;Es, a head/neck and back xrays - to check what's causing that discomfort. And that head's definitely going to need stitches, so do them as soon as we get you out of the head gear," She concluded diassapered along with the nurse. Ethan sat down by her bed,

"You don't have to stay Ethan," Star reminded, trying to turn her eyes to look at him. He shook his head,

"I know, but I _want _to, besides I'd rather not see him right now," He told her, with a weak smile. "Do you want anyone else? I can get them to call for you..?" He then asked. She sighed to herself, knowing that she should alert her parents, Zosia, probably Arthur and Dom since he lived with them. Despite this she didn't want them to come and fuss, because she couldn't explain this, there was no way to lie through it.

"No, not yet.. I'll wait and see," She answered, hoping she'd be able to avoid it for now and maybe put it off completely.

Having been for all of her various scans she was able to have both the collar and board removed, as she had no lasting damage to either her spine or neck, just severe bruising. Ethan had left, deciding that he should check on Cal, even though he didn't really want to know at the time. Zoe then came in to stitch her head, and had decided that she should talk to her as she'd heard some of her argument with Cal that day about her cheating on her boyfriend with him.

"Are you going to tell me how this happened?" She asked gently, but star said nothing and looked to the floor, "I'll be here if you ever need to talk okay?" She told her, rubbing Star's shoulder in a soothing manner. She glanced to Star's files for a minute before speaking again, "I'm going home now, but I'm keeping you here tonight since it's already pretty late, so I'll be here from about 8 tomorrow if you need me," She told her, as she left her alone in the room. She sighed to herself, knowing she'd have to tell people where she was. She reached for her phone, which Ethan had picked up before leaving with the ambulance, and dialed Zosia's number and she answered on the second ring,

"Hey, what's up?" Her half-sister's voice greeted down the phone.

"Oh nothing really, I just wanted to let you know that I won't be back tonight because I have to stay overnight in hospital," She explained.

"What?!" Zosia gasped, "Why? Actually let me put you on speaker - Dom's here," She explained. Star rolled her eyes, not wanting to make a big deal out of it.

"It's nothing - I just had a fall and hit my head," She lied simply, making it clear in her voice she didn't want to be pressed. Dom and Zosia exchanged looks, both feeling at least a tiny bit suspicious.

"Oh gosh, I hope you're okay," She heard Dominic's voice exclaim.

"Shall we get Arthur for you or..?" Zosia then asked gently, knowing that things were a little sensitive now.

"Yeah, pass him over if he's there," Star replied, with was then followed by background noise and the close of a door.

"Twinkle? Are you ok? Zosia seemed concerned?" Arthur's familiar tone quizzed, sounded slightly worried.

"I'm fine babe, I just had I fall and hit my head so I'm in hospital tonight," She explained.

"Do you want me to come and see you?" He asked almost immediately, his worry becoming more prominent on his voice.

"Don't be silly - it's late! You could come tomorrow though, since you're not in until the evening?" She suggested, not wanting him to over worry himself as he sometimes did.

"Of course, I'll let you go though, I know you need your sleep," He replied, sounding happier. "Love you!" He added.

"Love you too," She replied before ending the call. She glanced to the clock, and decided to simply text Colette and Guy, since it wasn't major anyway:

**New message**

**To: Mum :D &amp; Dad**

**Just to let u know I'm in hospital over nite as I had a fall and hit my head. I'm fine so don't worry! Love you and see u soon! :) x**

She then put her phone on the table by her bed and lay down, trying to sleep and not think of what'd happened that day. However this proved difficult, as this was the first time she'd stopped since it happened, and she was only just starting to process what Cal had done to her. The words of Zoe came back to her, and got her thinking, knowing that this would be a good time to deal with things - since there was a slim chance she could be pregnant, as she realised when going to take her anxiety medication that morning that she'd been forgetting to take her birth control.


	6. Aftermath

**Hi :) **

**I'm so sorry that you've had to wait this long for a new chapter! I've had all the technical issues under the bloody sun with the tablet/Bluetooth keyboard I use to write up my chapters (The main one being getting them to charge and hold that charge!). On top of this I've also been super busy with schoolwork and all that fun stuff! However I've also been lacking motivation, not just for writing but for any work in general which isn't great! This is because, among other delightful life nonsense, I've not got much of a reaction with this story with reviews and such, as I did with the previous one, and although I know this isn't everything it was silly little things like that which inspired by and made happy! :') But, to make up for missing so many of my 'every day or two' schedule I'd sort of adopted, I will be uploading two chapter at the same time today, and at least one (Fingers crossed two if I can get it done in between school rubbish!) tomorrow. After this I would like to resume updating everyday, and only missing say one day a week occasionally, but we'll see! ;)**

**As always, thanks for reading and sticking with me, and if you're enjoying don't forget to leave me a review (I don't bite :P)! x**

As the morning crept in the hospital came to life, from the quite night it'd had. Star woke with a slight start, forgetting where she was. Her had rose slowly to her hand felling the pain begin to throb slightly. She sat up, and poured herself a cup of water, sipping it slowly, trying to process the previous evening, and planning her next steps. She knew for one that this _had _to stay a secret, at least for now, as she felt that it'd cause more problems than it would do good. On top of this, she still had a niggling thought in the back of her head about her possible pregnancy, but she knew that it was too early to tell. A sigh escaped her lips, and before she could drown further under the weight of her thoughts her mobile phone rang. Star turned to the small table over her bed, and picked it up, not bothering to read the caller I.D,

"Hello?" She greeted, her voice half a croak as she was still trying to wake herself up.

"Hey lovely!" Arthur's familiar tone spoke down the phone, "How are you? I was wondering if my presence would be appreciated - I thought I could come down a bit before my shift this morning?" He offered. She paused for a moment, not wanting to be rude and decline, however was nervous incase she had to explain the bruising she had to her wrist, and areas of her face.

"Uh, sure.. If you want, but you honestly don't have to," She assured, trying to sound enthusiastic.

"It's _fine, _I've been worried anyway," He explained, "I can be with you in about 10/15 minutes? When do you see your doctor about discharging?" He queried. Her eyes glanced to the wall clock,

"Soon, she started at 8 and it's already 20 past so.." She answered.

"Alright, I'll try and get there before that then," He promised, as he put the phone down. As she took the phone away from her ear a text message notification caught her eye, and she tapped on it. It revealed two new messages, one each from her parents:

**From: Mum :D**

**Aw I hope you feel better soon + we should get a meal sometime soon - you should make some time for your old mum ;) x **

A small smile crept onto her face as she read it, grateful for the way her mother always seemed to make things seem better, even when they weren't. She look down again, opening the text from Guy:

**From: Dad**

**On dear, hope you feel better :)**

She felt slightly underwhelmed by this, however didn't take it to heart, as to be fair to him he'd only known her as a daughter for a few months, so they were still trying to patch up a relationship and make up for all those lost years. After the way Zosia had described her own relationship with her father part of her didn't hold out much hope, but her mother had advised her to at least try a little optimism as he could surprise her one day!

A little while late after she'd put her phone back down, after scrolling through social media, Arthur entered the small cubicle and sat down in the chair.

"Hey," He smiled, trying not to show his shock as he saw the size of the cut, and noticed the bruising.

"Hello!" She replied, as he pulled her into a hug over her bed. Before he could say anymore Dr Hanna entered, and Star let out a quiet breath of relief, knowing he wouldn't question her now, infront of another doctor.

"Morning Star! And who's this?" Zoe greeted cheerily, removing the file from the end of her bed.

"Oh this is Arthur, he's my boyfriend, we worked on Keller together before too," She explained, not having to try and stop herself smiling like an idiot, as she always did when she got to introduce him asand her boyfriend; the events of the recent days putting her on edge slightly. Zoe nodded, a slightly knowing smile on her face, and Arthur nodded slightly to her, being socially awkward as ever.

"Oh well, nice to meet you," She replied with a nod, "Your obs have been fine, so I'm happy to discharge you this morning, and Robyn or Lofty will come through with the papers," She explained, "I've also cleared it with Connie to let you have the rest of the day off, but other than that you're free to go," She added with a smile, leaving the cubicle. Arthur grinned at her,

"That's good to hear," He said simply, before reaching into his bag, pulling out some of her clothes, "I thought you'd appreciate these?" He asked with a smirk, with caused Star to grin at his thoughtfulness.

"Thanks," She answered, pulling him in for a hug, and then taking the pile of clothes. He then glanced at the clock,

"Looks like I should get going now though," He noted, a slight sadness in his voice. Star nodded, and gave him a hug again as he kissed the top of her head. He left just as Robyn entered, who smiled at him, and gave Star a knowing look.

"Is that lover boy?" She asked cheekily, passing her the discharge papers to sign, as Zoe had already filled in the doctor's section. Star blushed as she scribbled down her name,

"Maybe.." She quipped, letting out a knowing laugh and standing up. Robyn just rolled her eyes,

"_Hmm, _Well you're now free to go once you've changed out of the delightful gown! Ethan's looking for you by the way. He didn't say why, but it seemed important, he's in the staff room," She told her, turning to leave.

After changing into the black skinny jeans, and oversized band hoodie Arthur had kindly brought for her she exited the cubicle. She headed in the direction of the staff room, with a pretty clear idea of what Ethan wanted. The door was slightly open, and she took a deep breath before entering, having a sudden realisation that Cal could be in there, or some other nosey co-worker who'd be bound to question her appearance; neither of which she wanted because they'd cause confrontation, to say the least, and she was hell-bent on this staying quiet. Ethan was sitting alone in the corner alone, which relaxed her slightly, but she said nothing as she sat across from him, feeling suddenly lost for words as the gravity of the situation began to hit her slightly.

"Are you ok? What was the final outcome?" Ethan queried, a partial air of nervousness about him as per usual. Star nodded slightly,

"Stitches to the the head, and some bruises, nothing time won't heal.." She replied, quieter than intended.

"Have you told anybody yet? You do know this is a big deal right?" He asked, genuinely concerned about her welfare, and in a way feeling responsible as it was _his _brother. She took a deep breath in, and shook her head, her eyes fixated on the floor.

"It's fine," She mumbled, suddenly having to fight the increasing nerve to cry, or get up and leave. A small, quiet sigh escaped her lips, before Ethan spoke again.

"But he assaulted you! Plus from what you told me in your state there seemed to be some sort of sexual aspect to it too," He explained, in a hushed voice, incase somebody else entered. Star simply shook her head again,

"No," She answered, her voice suddenly becoming a hoarse whisper. He sighed to himself, and shuffled himself over, so he was sitting beside her and look at her. She looked instantly to the floor, in a sudden fear of crying.

"You can't run from this, you _work _beside him," He began gently, "Everyone will support you, I _promise_, we'll be here for you," Ethan added, taking a

comforting hold of her hand. Star flinched almost immediately, feeling the tightness around her hand and wrist, it mirrored Cal's in so many ways, but was much less threatening; this likeness and unexpected physical contact caused her to panic slightly and pull away, even though she knew that he wasn't being malicious. Before either of them had a chance to speak again Rita entered the room, and paused for a moment before speaking.

"_There _you are Ethan! Your break ended about 10 minutes ago, and Connie's on the warpath, she hasn't noticed I don't think, but a group from an RTC is expected very soon, so I'd get out there," She cautioned, as Ethan got up and walked off, not even looking back. Star sighed inwardly, pulling her hands inside her jumper sleeves. Rita smiled slightly, and sat by her where Ethan had just been, "You ok darling? I heard you were admitted last night?" She asked gently, not trying to pry, but just showing concern as the welfare of juniors was something that had always been important to her, especially since he knew that Connie tended to be rather rigorous with their training and rather ruthless with them at times.

"Mmm, I'm fine, it was just a stupid fall, not really a big deal.." She lied, keeping in mind to keep her stories consistent and simple, "I was discharged a little while ago actually," She added, which was met by a slight nod from the nurse,

"You look tired - shall I call you a cab?" She offered kindly, but Star shook her head,

"No thanks, I only live a few minutes away," She explained, standing up, "I'll, uh, see you tomorrow," She added sheepishly, before making herself scarce.

Music blared thought her head phones, as she made the short walk to the flat, ready to face her friends, and questioning when she should come clean, or if she even should. Part of her new that they'd end up guessing, especially after what Zosia had seen earlier in the week after her original night at Cal's when Ethan drove her home. She hummed softly to her music, as she considered further options, especially concerning Cal, as Ethan's words echoed in her head - he was right, she could just run from this, as even if she didn't involve the police or press charges she did work beside him, meaning that she'd have to face him head on whether she wanted to or not, and although she wasn't able to admit it to Ethan in that moment, that fact terrified her...


	7. Intoxicating

(**A/N** \- I don't really write in P. so the quality of this chapter isn't to good in places, in my opinion, but it does give us an insight into Cal's midset. Part of this chapter may also seem a bit filler-ish, but don't worry, it's all going to kick off soon. ;) Also **T/W** \- Use of drugs in the following chapter.)

_***Flashback to the morning after the night before - Cal's P.O.V***_

_I had that familiar feeling in my head - clearly I'd had a little too much to drink when I was out last night. My hand found it's way to my temples, and I rubbed them gently in an attempt to calm the throwing. However aswell as the familiar feelings of a hangover, I felt something else, a sudden feeling of low. I had a fragmented memory of prior evening, but I'm almost certain I took something. I'd felt the lowest I'd ever felt; grieving isn't something I'd ever been good at. The guy seemed like he meant well, told me that they'd pick me right up and have me feeling great. He'd given me a packet of them, didn't cost much as I recall, and I swallowed a couple with my drink at Albie's. Anything and everything after after that was really cloudy, but I seemed to have gotten home safely so it's all good. My body heaved it's self up into a sitting position, and I glance to the clock, seeing that it was only 8, but I wasn't working today - who cares? As I was going to get up another piece of my evening came back to me, and I had to stop myself by sitting down and leaning against the back of the sofa. Her sobs echoed around my head, she'd said no, a rage had encompassed me. What had I done? My hand was now quivering slightly, as I reached for the partially full bottle of wine at my feet, that had somehow found it's way there in the evening while I was still drunk. I took a couple of large swigs from the bottle, leaving it almost empty, I needed to feel numb again. How could I have done that to her - I'd done it again, betrayed all trust and ruined another great friendship. My hand scrambled to my pocket - they were in there, I could feel numb again, take the pain away. I still missed my friend, and now I'd gone and done this. I popped one out and into my hand, but closed it tightly as my brother entered. He'd been there, I remember waking slightly, he was leaving, I remember seeing him follow paramedics. As he walked past me to the kitchen his eyes dug into me, as cold as ice - he knew me as the monster I truly seem to have become. He left after about 20 minutes, although he didn't let a single word, or drop of emotion spill out, and for him this was the worst thing he could do, it's so unlike him. I took a long exhale, and swallowed the small pill with the last bit of liquid from the bottle. I felt calm again, a release. I didn't want to think about what I'd done at the time, the high help me brush it off - she'd refused, but she'd lead me on, it was her fault, not mine.._

_***End of P.O.V***_

Star had arrived home now, and she took a deep breath before opening the door, unsure would be in and who was working. She was met with an empty lounge, and shut the door gently behind her. As she turned back around to walk back in Zosia seem to appear from nowhere,

"Hey you," She greeted with a grin, as she pulled her into a hug, with Star having to fight the urge to once again flinch and pull away. The effects of what Cal had done suddenly becoming startlingly clear in her mind. "Are you okay? We were all so worried!" She continued, as the pair went to sit down.

"Yeah, just me being clumsy as usual," Star replied, ensuring she kept her lies in check, for now at least, facing it seemed almost impossible right there in the moment once again. Her sister nodded, and Dominic then enter the room. He grinned at the two of them,

"Hey Star - you feel better now?" He asked her, glad to see that she'd been discharged quickly. An almost silent sigh escaped Star's lips, as although she knew they meant well she wished that everybody would stop asking her. It made her feel like they were all waiting for her to crack, and fall to pieces. However she simply nodded,

"Yep, I had to get some stitches on my head, so I hope I don't end up with a bald patch!" She quipped, trying not to let it sound as half hearted as she felt. Dom and Zosia both laughed, and he looked down to his phone to see the time,

"Shit, I've gotta run or I'll be late - see you two later!" He called, darting out of the door.

"Stitches to your head?" She then quizzed, "What did you do, it must've been bad?" Star's blood ran cold, thinking quickly to build up her story,

"Oh I was heading to Albie's for a drink, but I tripped and fell on the curb," She explained, shaking her head at her 'clumsiness'. Zosia mirrored the shake of the head,

"Oh - Good job! You do know that the falling and such is generally supposed to occur once one is intoxicated?" She quipped, causing them both to laugh. Star nodded,

"I'll keep that in mind!" She remarked.

The two sister spent the next few hours talking, but as lunchtime came and went Zosia had to leave for her shift. Star decided to go and get some sleep, as the hospital had been a noisy environment, so sleep had been scarce. However, rather than actually sleeping, she knew simply lying there presented the golden opportunity to simply think, plan a course of action. Although this would be a good idea, she didn't want to face it, it was to much, and an irrational part of her prayed that if she fell asleep she'd wake up and it'd all be gone. She felt almost unable to deal with it, as if she was to small, too frail, too weak, to fight against him. Her body curled up into a tight ball, as she attempted to allow the sweet sleep to take her over, but it didn't work he mind was still racing. Thoughts of going back to work also cropped up, remembering that she'd have to see him then, and that there would be no choice in the matter. A sigh escaped her lips as she got up from the bed, deciding her efforts were in vain. She found herself walking to her dressing table in the corner, and sat down on the small stool. Her eyes met those of her reflection, and she took a long hard look, realising that this was the first time she'd properly seen the extent of her injuries. She couldn't help but gasp. The cut along her head, where she'd hit the cabinet on her way down to the floor, was a deep crimson, and rather striking in depth even though it had been stitched up. She lifted back her fringe, and beneath it was a selection of black, blue and purple bruises, from where he'd originally struck her, and a few of them peaked out from the bottom and sides of her fringe. She sighed, and felt a hot, salty tear roll down her cheek. As she reached up to wipe it away, the brushing from his hold caught her eye, as they emerged from her jumper sleeve; she realised just how right Ethan had been that morning, there was no running from this, especially since she'd been left in more of a state than she'd first thought - physically _and _emotionally.

Elsewhere both Dom and Zosia had just began their lunch breaks, and we're sat around a table in pulses. The were in the midst of a conversation about the day, but Zosia had become distracted by her wandering mind, and broke in suddenly,

"Do you believe what Star told us this morning?" She blurted out. Dominic pulled a face, confused,

"What?" He replied.

"Do you believe her?" She repeated, "About how she got those injuries?" She added, hoping that he wouldn't dismiss her, like he'd done previously along with coworkers, and claim she was getting 'too involved'. He thought for a moment, and gave a slight shake of the head.

"Maybe?" He replied simply, "I do find it slightly unlikely that a wound that bad could happen from a fall, but it's no unheard of," He mused. Zosia nodded thoughtfully, but part her wasn't convinced and Dom sensed this, so he continued, "Besides, _if _something had or has happened, I think we can trust her to tell at least one of us," He assured her. She nodded simply, part of her still suspicious, thinking that he was just saying - To stop her having a bi-polar 'episode'. She sighed quietly, and mumbled something about her break being due to end. She then got up from the table and went to get in the lift. Dom shook his head, hoping he hadn't upset her unintentionally. He sipped the last of his can of coke, and considered what she'd said, knowing that there was some degree of truth in it. He hoped in many ways that she was wrong, as he hated to see people close to him hurting, especially what with what Star had already had to deal with since arriving at Holby.


	8. Coming Clean (Or There Abouts)

_(_**_A/N - _**_Sorry for not uploading this last week as promised, but I was hit by the same technical issues. Due to this I can't access any of the chapters I'd prewritten on my tablet, and have had to rewrite them all on my laptop - which I wanted to refrain from using as it's incredibly slow! On a lighter note I'd like to thank __CArfwedsonFan91, the only one to review my last two chapters, for her kind words! So, without further ado I hope you enjoy my next few chapters :D)_

* * *

Star spent the time before any of her friends arrived home from work planning; taking control of the situation, by writing down what she wanted to do. This was something she'd begun to do as a young child, as she found that listing things helped them to stay clear in her mind, and also made her feel more committed to whatever it was she had to do. Her small, curly handwriting had started to scrawl a brief list in the back of a light blue A5 notebook she'd found in the bottom of her bag:

_1\. Admit it to myself_

_2\. Tell everyone else_

_3\. Police_

_4\. Get counselling _

The list had stopped here, as she crossed out her half-hearted efforts, yet she knew she should continue as it would most likely help her out. A sigh crawled out of her lips, and she screwed the paper up, tossing it into the waste bin in the corner of the bedroom. Her hand slipped into her pocket to grab her phone, so that she could check the time. As she unlocked it a notification flashed up, and her eyes scanned the screen whilst she read it:

***Period Calendar – Due in 8 days***

The junior doctor sighed once again, knowing that she would now have to play 'the waiting game', to find of if she had fallen pregnant in the time she'd forgotten to take her birth control – whether that be by Arthur, or in the worst case scenario, Cal. She locked her phone and replaced it back into her pocket. Her body flopped back onto the bed, where she'd been sat, and she lay down. How could she let this happen? The click and thud of the front door stopped her from slipping into a dark pit of thoughts, and she got up to see who it was. Upon entering she was met by her boyfriend, and he pulled her into an embrace once he saw her.

"Hey you," Arthur greeted smiling. She returned his smile, but just like recently her heart wasn't fully in it anymore, she didn't feel it wholeheartedly. The pair sat down on the sofa and Star grabbed the TV remote.

"Good day?" She asked, hoping to distract him, at least from a moment, so he didn't go into full force twenty questions about how she felt.

"Same old," He replied simply, "I _am _growing to dislike the new F2 though – he's rather arrogant," He added, then going on to talk more about his day, with Star offering an ear to listen as she always tried to with everyone – Colette had always said that it probably came from her since she'd been a nurse for years, so it was in her nature.

In the midst of their discussion about Arthur's day he had asked her when she was due to do go back to work. After she'd explained that she only had that evening off he'd gone off on one slightly, about how that wasn't too good – as head injuries sometimes didn't present symptoms until x time afterwards, however Star wasn't paying attention. Her mind had once again been consumed with thoughts, as it often did nowadays, of the days ahead. Primarily she was distracted by the thoughts of what tomorrow would bring. The thought of seeing Cal again unnerved her, to say the least, and she was unsure of quite how she'd take it or how she'd end up reacting in the moment. Part of her wondered if her actions would mimic those of the day after the pair's drunken escapade after the dinner at the restaurant; in that moment something came over her, it overtook her fears and anxieties, and made her stand up for herself, said how she really felt – she was angry. Yet this time, it wasn't just that fire of anger, there was something else there: A deathly fear.

"Star?" Arthur's voice cut through her thoughts, with a clear edge of aggravation. Her eyes, which had glazed over slightly, snapped up to his irritated expression. "Were you even listening?" He quizzed, as a silent sigh escaped Star's lips. She shook her head slightly, breaking the brief eye contact,

"Sorry, I've just got something on my mind – nothing much though.." She answered, knowing it was probably wise not to divulge the details. "What were you saying?" She then added, but he shook his head.

"It doesn't really matter," He concluded simply. A sudden silence fell over them, as he watched her for a few moments, "Something's bothering you isn't it?" Arthur queried, slightly awkwardly and with a hint of uncertainty as he was never the best at reading people. Her brown eyes flickered up to his face for a moment, but then became fixated on the floor again. She took a deep breath, choosing to bite the bullet and tell him about her possible pregnancy, knowing that he deserved to know about it, even if he didn't know about her night with Cal – she wasn't ready to tell him that one, not yet..

"It's just.." She paused, and took another short deep breath, as she questioned herself. Just as she was about to open her mouth to speak again the doorbell rang. "Never mind, I'll tell you later," She said apologetically, getting up to open the door and let in Dom and Zosia. The both grinned, and their arms were filled with Chinese takeaway food.

"Hey," Zosia greeted, as Star shut the door behind the two of them and followed them to the kitchen to help them out with the food.

"Neither of us fancied cooking, so we grabbed this lot on the way home," Dom explained as he set down his carrier bag. Arthur entered the kitchen as the group were talking, "There's plenty, so I _suppose_ we'll share," He quipped.

Within minutes all 4 of them had filled up their plates with a variety of food, and proceeded to sit in the living room, around the TV. Whilst they ate they put on a film, and so sat in almost silence as they watched. However, not all of their minds were focused solely on the movie; Arthur's mind was racing, incredibly curious about what on earth it was that could distract her so much. He sighed, no possibilities even cropping up in his mind of what it may be. Ironically, he didn't even consider something such as pregnancy, as even in his state of mind, over-driven with worry, it seemed outlandish. As the end credits rolled up on the screen he looked up to the clock,

"I'm going to bed," He stated, getting up to put his now empty plate at the kitchen sink. He hoped that Star would get the hint, and follow suit so he could find out what was going on. As he re-entered the lounge, on the way to their room, he shot Star a knowing glance,

"You coming?" He queried simply. Star got the message almost instantly, and nodded. As she got up she looked back to her sister and Dom,

"Night guys," She said, with a small smile, before following Arthur to the bedroom that they shared. Dom then turned to face Zosia,

"I'm sorry about how I was at lunch by the way," He began, "I shouldn't have brushed it off like that – But having thought about it, I think I agree with you," Dominic added. Zosia nodded,

"Its fine – I knew you'd realise I was right eventually," She quipped. He shook his head with a smirk.

Meanwhile both Arthur and Star were now in bed, and lay together in the dark. His arms were wrapped around her waist from behind, meaning they were both looking the same way and not facing each other. Although he was hoping she would've said something by now he knew her well enough to know that pressing her wasn't the wisest of ideas.

"Okay – I'm not entirely sure _how _to tell you, but I think it's important that you know," Star began, letting out a slight nervous laugh, breaking the silence between them in the dark of the room. As the spoke Arthur's ears listened intently. "So, basically, I've been forgetting to take my birth control over the past week and a half –ish, meaning that there's a chance I could be pregnant," Star explained, leaving out the part about Cal, as planned, deciding that she'd cross that bridge when it came to it, especially as she didn't even know if she _was _pregnant. She then began chewing the inside of her lip a little bit, as she was nervous about the way he'd take it. Before speaking he let out a silent gasp, totally taken aback by her news,

"I see – have you had any symptoms or?" He quizzed, his initial reaction to go into the medical stuff, as he was slightly shocked by what she'd told him and didn't know to react. Star shook her head slowly,

"No, and my period isn't due for just over a week, so it's too early to tell. I realised about the pills earlier on today and knew I should tell you –you're not mad or anything are you?" She asked, turning to face him, filled with apprehension as he'd not yet made his feelings clear. Arthur nodded his head as she explained about the pills, and then stopped and smiled slightly at her.

"Of course I'm not, how could I be? – People do make mistakes, its human. Trust me, whatever happens I'll support your decisions and such. We can get through this!" He promised, pushing a hair out of her face, before kissing her softly. She smiled, feeling relieved, and buried her head in his chest.

"I think for now though it'd be wise to keep this a secret, yeah? At least until we know ourselves," She added, smirking slightly, knowing he'd catch her drift. He smirked also,

"Agreed," He confirmed, as the two of them closed their eyes. Star felt less apprehensive about going to sleep that evening, as by telling him she felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders.


	9. A Shoulder To Cry On

A new day dawned over Holby, and the low buzz of her mobile phone alarm woke Star up. She grimaced, as the time as the time was 6am, as her shift that morning started at 7:15, which was earlier than usual so far. She heaved herself out of bed, and grabbed herself some clothes from the wardrobe, being careful not to wake her sleeping boyfriend – as he didn't have to get up for hours yet due to his later shift. She padded into the bathroom for a quick shower, and as the warm water washed over her body it hit her; she'd be confronting him today. Despite the heat of the water a shiver ran down her spine, as she questioned whether or not she was ready for this. After letting the water run over her for a few minutes more she collected her thoughts and got out. She then proceeded to dry herself, and put on a pair of mid-wash skinny jeans, a white scoop neck top and a slightly over sized long-sleeved grey cardigan. Once she'd done this she proceeded to dry her hair, and pulled it into a quick side braid, trying to pull her hair over the line of stitching on her head – which she was due to get removed over the next couple of days. Finally, the thing that she spent the most time on was her makeup. For her this was unusual, however today she deemed it vital that she covered up her facial bruises, so as not to attract anymore unwanted attention than her head stitches would attract. It then occurred to her that she didn't know what time it was, and so she grabbed her phone out of her bag. Her expression turned when she realised it was now 6:55AM, meaning she should leave as it was Connie expectation that staff were early to shifts every time. The door shut behind the petite doctor as she rushed towards the hospital for her shift.

Upon arrival she headed to the coffee shop to grab herself something to eat, as she didn't get the chance to grab anything before leaving the house. However before she was able to do so a call interrupted her,

"Dr Sheward?" The emotionless voice called from the nearby hall. Star's head turned, and walked towards the sound of heels on the floor. A slight smile passed her mentor's lips as the junior doctor stopped where she was stood, but motioned for her to walk with her,

"Morning Mrs Beauchamp," Star greeted, following her towards the E.D.

"Good morning, I trust you are fully recovered? Dr Hanna briefed me about your admittance last night," She questioned, to which Star simply nodded. "Good, because as you know I expect nothing but the best from my staff, at _all _levels. Now I don't deem it necessary for you to continuously shadow one of the other doctors, as you seem to have found your feet down here; so, to help 'Ease you in'" Connie grimaced slightly as she repeated the words of Zoe, "I'd like you to work with Dr Hardy for a few hours this morning, but the main bulk of your shift will be spent by yourself, with a nurse of course – Nurse Freeman has offered to do this today," She concluded, to which Star nodded. After a brief pause to see if the young junior had any questions, she turned round and went into her office. Star however headed to go and get scrubbed in.

After getting changed she'd folded her clothes up into her bag, and was heading to put them into her locker and then sit in the staff room to wait for Ethan. As she turned the corner and was about to walk in to the room she wasn't thinking, her mind had become too preoccupied with work, so she didn't consider who might be in there. She froze in horror, as she saw Cal sitting alone in the corner of the room, and then backed out slowly and quietly hoping he hadn't seen her. She then headed a little further down the quiet corridor, and slumped against the wall as she became dizzy and her breathing became shallower in that similar manner it did when she had a panic attack. She couldn't do this, not here, however these thoughts only` antagonized the situation, and she felt her heart rate rise and her palms sweat. Her body slumped down further, as a few rouge tears dripped from her eyes, to the point where she was sitting down with her knees pulled up to her chest. She was still deathly paranoid somebody senior would find her, and demand an explanation.

"Star?" She heard a voice call her name, from a direction she couldn't quite place, and she panicked further, putting her head down on her knees. She heard somebody's footsteps move towards her, hearing them become louder. Her body tensed as she felt somebody kneel beside her,

"Star?" The voice repeated, however she still couldn't quite decipher it but now knew it was a male's, "It's Ethan, you're having a panic attack," He told her softly, feeling slightly more at ease as she now knew the identity of the person. "I need you to try and take some deep breaths okay?" He instructed calmly, and she tried to gradually deepen her shallow, rapid breaths. "Good, that's good," Ethan praised, "Could you try and lift your head up? Are you alright? What happened?" He asked slowly. Star tentatively lifted up her head, and attempted to give him a weak smile, despite the tear stains on her cheeks. A feeling of guilt came over her feeling bad that he, once again, had to deal with the fallout from her panic attack.

"I-I'm fine..." She replied quietly, her voice still slightly chocked up. He shook his head slightly,

"We both know you aren't – It's okay, tell me what's up?" He asked, his voice still caring and gentle.

"I was going to my locker, but he was there and I don't know…" She explained, her voice coming out as a quieter whisper than expected. Ethan nodded slowly,

"It's okay," He assured her, "Here – why don't I take your stuff for you and you go take a couple of minutes, yeah?" He offered. She nodded gratefully, and Ethan stood up before offering her a hand up. She took it, with a slight air of caution.

"Thank you, for picking up the pieces of my panic attack, once again," She told him, gratefully. He shook his head, and ended up pulling her into a gentle hug, as she stumbled slightly getting up. However she didn't flinch away this time; as she know felt that Ethan was a safe place, and so they stayed in each other's embrace for a few short moments, before pulling apart. Once separated Star scuttled off to the toilet, so that she could clean herself up and calm herself down.

Ethan took Star's bag and key into the locker room, to put them away. His plan was to simply ignore his older brother, as he had done since he'd put Star into hospital, as she was still deeply angry with him. On top of this anytime not spent at work Cal seemed to be spending drunk, and unbeknown to his little brother, high. The older registrar had started to build up a bit of an addiction to the pills he'd got of that man, on the night of the attack, in Albie's.

"Nibbles!" His brother greeted, walking over to him, as Ethan unlocked his friend's locker.

"_Don't _call me that," Ethan snapped, placing the junior doctor's bag into her locker, and slamming the door slightly. Cal rolled his eyes, and proceeded to speak to him,

"Isn't that Star's locker? Do you know where she is – isn't she back today? I need to talk to her, apologise," Cal quizzed, sounding slightly too enthusiastic due to him still feeling some of the buzz from the last pill he took that morning. Ethan twisted the key in the lock, to lock the locker, before turning to his brother,

"That would be _very _unwise," He stated simply, turning on his heel to leave.

"Why's that then?" His older brother questioned, however Ethan just blanked him out, and headed to the toilets, waiting outside for Star. Cal, unsatisfied, followed him quickly. Ethan grimaced, and tried to prevent his brother pushing past him into the toilets; however his efforts were in vain as Cal forced his way past him. Star was leaning against a sink, in the otherwise empty toilets, with her head down facing the basin,

"Star?" He called out, walking up behind her and placing a hand on the small of her back. The short junior doctor jumped, and flinched away from the unknown touch. Her head whipped around, unprepared for the face he was met by,

"Don't touch me," She called out, he voice only slightly louder than usual, as she was unable to muster up much more. Ethan appeared round the door; and Star headed towards him, but was pulled back for a moment by Cal's hand,

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry," He whispered, as by pulling her back his mouth was at almost the same height as her ear, due to their contrasting heights.

"That's not enough," She told him, feeling slightly braver like she'd done the day she saw him after they'd slept together. Star pulled away from him grip again, tracing the bruises he'd left before with one finger as now she was in scrubs they were visible, as she headed towards Ethan at the doorway.

"Sorry," Ethan said, at the pair walked back to the E.D, "That was probably my fault – him bursting in like that," But Star simply shook her head, and smiled up at him sadly,

"It's fine; you've done enough for me this morning. Bedsides it would've happened sometime anyway," She told him simply, accepting a folder from Lofty who pointed them to the relevant cubicle, "Let's just get back to work,"

Cal stood by the sinks a few moments longer, staring at his reflection. He thought that apologising was a _good _idea, yet it hadn't worked out that way. The faint buzz, which although was fading out, told him to try again and again – they silly girl was bound to realise the error of her ways, and accept him again. He had to prove to him brother that he wasn't a monster; this was of paramount importance to him, as although Ethan was younger than him there were times where he really looked up to him. He'd meant what he said to him when he was on that hospital bed, after the crash, he really did consider him a 'safety net'.


	10. Mum's The Word

(**A/N** \- I'm uploading two chapters at once today, due to them being shorter in length but too long to have as one, so yay ;D. As promised, things are starting to kick off, and I'd love to hear your thought on the story so far, and what might happen next in a review :D)

* * *

Almost two weeks had now passed since Star had gone back to work. The initial week had been filled with persistent apologies from Cal, as he'd vowed to do, and towards the end of the week something in her snapped – she gave in. He'd caught her alone, at the end of her shift, when she was in the staff room and he poured out all these words, this seemingly wholehearted apology, and she couldn't reject it that time. To her it seemed that he truly was sorry, and that it truly was a drunken mistake, and that he'd not meant anything by it. However her anxieties still cropped up from time to time surrounding the situation, even if the physical things like bruises and stitches had gone, she was still left scarred physically (On her head) and mentally. Despite this the pair had been able to re-establish a working relationship, which they both knew was one of the most important things. Ethan and Cal's relationship however still wasn't the best, and Ethan had finally given up with waiting for his older brother to move out he made the decision to move out instead. It was Caleb's constant intoxication which finally pushed him to purchase a new flat. Star, who was slightly surprised at Ethan's decision, had continued to build a close, trusting relationship with the younger registrar, after he'd helped her with her original panic attack when she came back to work. The past few days had also been testing on the romantic relationship between Arthur and Star, due to her period now being 4 days late. She'd attempted to almost fob him off, to prevent him worrying so much, by telling him she usually was irregular. Although, whether or not he truly believed her, there was no way that she could lie to herself; She'd been beginning to try and hide symptoms (which she told herself she was doing for her own sanity, if nothing else) such as fatigue, slight bloating, and very occasional nausea. The only one she had an excuse for was the tiredness, as it was the main one which could be considered unrelated, so she chose to blame in on her job and shift patterns.

Another work day was now in full swing, and Star's break had just begun so she was heading for the staff room. Upon arrival she was met by Robyn and Lofty, who were in the midst of conversation,

"Hey Guys," She greeted with a smile, heading to her locker to grab her phone and some money for some lunch. They both grinned at her, and Robyn motioned for her to sit with them,

"Hi, you alright?" The female nurse asked, taking a sip from her coffee cup. Star nodded slowly, the stench of coffee hitting her and making her feel slightly queasy, which was unusual as she usually love coffee,

"Yeah, what about you guys?" Star replied, briefly looking down to her phone to see the time. The two nurses nodded, and Lofty opened his mouth to speak just as Tess appeared at the door and shot a look at the two nurses,

"Ah, you two, Rita's looking for you. She said she wanted a word," She told them simply, ushering them out, before following behind them, and leaving Star alone in the staff room. Neither of the pair had taken their drinks, and the smell of caffeine continued to get up her nose. She couldn't stand it anymore, and she had to make a beeline for the nearby toilets, as a strong wave of nausea hit her.

She'd been sat against the wall of the toilet cubicle for several minutes now, and been continuously vomiting into the bowl. She leaned her head back, and shut her eyes for a few moments, feeling intensely weak. Star then became aware of noise in the room, as somebody had just entered the room, and she heard a toilet flush. Her body retched again, and she heard a voice,

"Everything alright in there?" The voice called out. Before she had chance to register the sound she felt herself heave once again. Two sets of footsteps the faded slightly, and a mumbled voice spoke in the distance,

"Max, can you take Miss Tilbury back up to Keller for me?" It asked, as the door shut with a thud. The feet came towards her cubicle, and a hand knocked on its door gently,

"Hello? Are you okay in there?" The voice queried, and it came to Star – the voice belonged to her mother, and nurse, Colette Sheward. Her hand reached up to the lock and she unlocked it, pulling open slightly so that she could get inside. "Star?" Her mother asked, the concern evident in her voice, as she knelt down beside her daughter.

"I'm fine, someone just had some stinky coffee or something in the staff room," She croaked. Though, knowing her all too well, Colette shook her head,

"You can't lie to me – I'm a nurse remember," She quipped, trying to lighten the mood. Star sighed inwardly, and looked to the floor,

"I forgot to take my birth control for a week and half…" Star trailed off. Her mother took her hand,

"Have you taken a test?" She asked softly, and Star shook her head, as she was still trying to pretend, almost, that it wasn't happening. "You should, does the father know?" She then proceeded gently. A tear fell from her daughter's eye,

"One of them does," She stated sadly, to which the nurse had to stop herself raising a brow,

"What do you mean?" Colette asked, even though she had an idea of what she would say, surprised at her daughter.

"There was this one night, with a co-worker, Cal, we both got really drunk.. It was an accident.." She explained, having to stop as the tears continued to flow. Her mother pulled her into a hug and stroked her hair soothingly,

"It's okay – You just need to be honest with these people. I know Arthur, I worked beside him and the other juniors for a while, and trust me he'll get it," She promised, remembering what a chemistry she'd seen between the couple the day she came back from America earlier in the year. "You need to take a test, and whatever the result they both need to know the full story," She stated, trying not to overwhelm her.

"Alright," Star replied quietly, wiping a tear from her eye.

"Don't forget about your Dad though, you know what he's like, but I won't say anything though –it's up to you," Colette warned, knowing how Guy was when things were kept from him,

"Can I get back now?" Star asked, worried about going over her break time and having to explain her whereabouts. Colette shook her head, helping her up. The pair left the cubicle and stood by the sinks,

"You really are your father's daughter sometimes!" She quipped, in response to her asking about going back to work. Star splashed her face with some water and smoothed down her bun,

"What were you even doing down here anyway?" Star quizzed thoughtfully.

"I had to come down and speak to Charlie, and then I was asked to escort that patient, who was down here visiting somebody, to the toilet and back up to Keller," Colette explained briefly. Star nodded,

"You should get back then," She pointed out, and Colette shook her head at her daughter,

"True – but promise me you'll keep me updated; I'll worry otherwise, you know me!" She replied, and her daughter nodded,

"Of course," She responded, as the two women left the bathroom before going their separate ways.


	11. Favours

Star tried to keep her mind preoccupied for the rest of the shift, to prevent her getting distracted. In spite of this she did still have the niggling thought in the back her head about who to go to for a test. This was because she knew full well that a shop bought test was more likely to be inaccurate, compared to one she got done here, in the hospital. The words of Zoe came back to her, about being there if she needed her, back when she was admitted to the E.D after Cal's drunken attack. She decided that this was probably the most sensible thing to do, especially as the consultant and promised to ask no questions. As her shift came to an end she headed to the staff room and luckily spotted Zoe just down the hallway, presumably on the way to her office,

"Dr Hanna?" She called as she caught up with her. She turned around and smiled,

"Star? It's Zoe, please, what can I do for you?" She enquired. Star stopped to think of how to word her request for a moment,

"Well, after what you said to me the other week, when I was admitted, I was wondering if I could ask you a favour?" She asked slowly. Zoe nodded, almost knowingly,

"Of course, let's go up to my office," The dark haired woman suggested. So Star followed her quietly up to the small office and walked in behind her. She then sat across from Zoe at her desk. "What can I do for you then?" Zoe asked, tapping at her computer for a moment. Star took a deep breath, as her nerves caught up with her slightly,

"I need to take a pregnancy test; I was wondering if you could do it here?" She asked quietly, not quite being able to make eye contact. Zoe nodded slowly, and opened a desk drawer to produce one of the small plastic testing containers which had somehow ended up in there.

"Here," She said, passing it over, "If you use the staff toilet round the corner and bring it back I'll send it to the lab for you- and as I said, no questions asked!" Zoe offered, with a reassuring smile at the end, as Star stood up with a nod and a weak return of the smile. Minutes later Star arrived back, and passed her college the sample,

"How long will it take?" Star asked anxiously. Zoe smiled slightly, glancing at the clock,

"Well, I can fast track it for you, so I reckon I could have the results back by the time you've scrubbed out and what have you," Zoe explained, knowing that the junior's shift would now have ended. Star nodded,

"Thanks," She replied gratefully, disappearing once again.

Star headed down the stairs, and into the empty locker room to grab her bag. Once she unlocked her locker she first pulled out her phone, remembering that Arthur was probably waiting for her outside, and sent him a text:

**If ur already outside I'll b there soon – I'll explain when I see u ;) x S**

She then put her phone into the pocket of her bag and locked up the locker again. After this she headed to one of the small staff toilets, so she could get changed into her grey top, light wash skinny jeans and leather jacket. Once she'd done this she ran a hand lightly through her fringe and slung her bag over her shoulder, before heading back up to Zoe's office in a mix of nerves and excitement almost. She knocked lightly on the door before entering, and sitting back down. A small white envelope was now sitting on the desk, between the two woman, and Zoe glanced at it before looking back up to Star,

"Do you want to, or shall I?" She offered gently, a slight smile on her face, knowing that the young woman was most likely incredible nervous about what the letter inside said. Star let out a short breath,

"Could you?" She requested quietly, to which Zoe nodded and picked it up. She ripped open the envelope with a nail, and unfolded the paper,

"You are," Zoe began, "Pregnant," She finished. A grin spread across Star's face, as although the conditions of this weren't the best and the worst _could _be yet to come, deep down she was sort of excited. Zoe returned her smile, whilst tapping away on the computer, "Congratulations," she added. "You'll have to see somebody from obs and gyne to confirm it, and decide what to do next, so I could make you and appointment if you'd like?" She then offered, to which Star nodded,

"Thanks, that'd be great," Star replied.

"Is 12:15 tomorrow ok?" The consultant asked, knowing that this was probably a safe time since she'd likely be on a lunch break. Star nodded, and so Zoe printed out an appointment letter and slipped it in the envelope with the other bit of paper.

"Thank you _so _much!" Star said appreciatively, as she stood up with the envelope in hand. As she put her hand on the door to leave she turned around, "Oh, by the way, I'd prefer if you didn't tell anybody about this," She added.

"Anytime Star – Tell them _what_?" Zoe quipped, sharing a knowing grin with her as Star left her office.

Moments later Star arrived at the hospital's main entrance and spotted Arthur, sitting on a nearby bench. She headed over, envelope still in hand, and Arthur stood up as soon as he saw her and pulled her into a short hug once she got over.

"You best be free tomorrow lunch time," She stated, a knowing glint in her eyes and she hadn't yet allowed herself to be brought down about the dark facts which overhung this situation. Arthur looked at her questioningly,

"Why's that then?" He queried. Star produced the envelope from behind her back, and gave a shy smile,

"My first antenatal appointment," She told him. Although surprised, Arthur grinned,

"_That's _why you were late," He realised, pulling her into a hug again, and kissing the top of her head.

"Yep," She replied simply, leaning her head on his shoulder as she was still in his embrace. After he kissed her softly on the lips they pulled apart. "There's a lot to decide, but at least we know," She pointed out, as they walked away, hand in hand, to the empty flat. Arthur insisted on cooking for Star, as a celebration, and they sat and had a meal together, since their flatmates were working night shifts. Both of them were excited now for what the future would bring, but as the couple celebrated he worlds of Colette rang in Star's head, 'They _both_ need to know the full story'…


	12. Loose Lips Could Sink Ships

(**A/N **– This chapter may contain medical inaccuracies, as I've not personally had a baby. :') So I know little about what antenatal appointments entail and so have had to get information from the NHS, and various other websites!)

* * *

Lunch break had just begun, and it was a few minutes past midday, and Star was walking to the staff room with Ethan.

"Fancy getting a coffee?" Ethan suggested, as Star grabbed her bag from her locker. She turned and smiled at him,

"I'd love to, but there's somewhere I've gotta be," She said, inwardly cursing as she caught sight of the clock out of the corner of her eye, having arranged to meet Arthur in a couple of minutes. She hadn't informed him of her news yet, and it was actually only herself and Arthur that knew. The reason she'd not informed her flatmates was because they'd been on nightshifts, and had been sleeping before she let for her shift. As far as her parents were concerned she already had plans to go around to her mother's home, and inform her, but as far as Guy was concerned she was dreading having to tell him in a way; she felt this was because she hadn't really known him as a father figure for very long, and he was irritating enough once he'd found out about her and Arthur's relationship, as he constantly seemed to interrogate him about things. Cal was still towards the back of her mind, as she wanted to try and bask in the glow that pregnancy seemed to have brought with it for as long as she could. She pulled on her grey NHS hoodie over her sea green scrubs. Ethan shot her a confused look as she closed up her locker, but she brushed it off. "Could you cover for me if I'm late back – my break ends at 25 past, but fingers crossed I'll be back before then," She garbled, before dashing out the door and to the lift so she could meet Arthur at Keller's locker room. A bemused smile crossed Ethan's face, as he raised his eyebrows slightly, shaking his head.

With minutes to spare the couple arrived in the Obs&amp;Gynae waiting room, and took a seat. Moments later Star's name was called, and they were escorted into a nearby office where they sat across from Mr Thompson, a consultant, and a young looking nurse who was sitting in the corner by an examination bed and a trolley of equipment.

"Afternoon, I'm Derwood Thompson, a consultant here on Obs&amp;Gyne," He greeted, smiling at them as he recognised both of them ever so slightly as co-workers. The pair also both smiled slightly, as Mr T tapped at his keyboard for a moment before looking back to them. "Okay, so, Dr Hanna set me up the results of the urine test you took yesterday when she made this appointment for you, so as a formality we will do a blood test to confirm this. We'll also use it to check your susceptibility to certain infections, like rubella," He explained, as she couple nodded. The nurse ushered for Star to sit up on the bed so she could take the blood. Whilst this was going on the doctor continued talking, "So, am I right in thinking that this is your first pregnancy?" He asked.

"Yeah, it is," Star replied with a nod, as the nurse applied a small plaster over the area shells taken the blood from.

"Alright, so obviously seeing as you're both doctors, you'll be aware of the options you have regarding the baby's future, have you had any thoughts yet on what you'd like to do? – It is ok if you haven't obvious, seeing as you haven't known very long," He continued. Arthur and Star looked at each other for a moment, as they hadn't yet discussed this due to the initial excitement,

"Not really," Star replied simply, sitting back down next to Arthur.

"Okay, well then, I'd suggest taking a read of this," He began, passing over a thin A4 NHS leaflet, "And also talking, as well as between yourselves, to maybe family even friends so that you can reach an informed decision that you're both agreed on," Mr Thompson finished. Star passed the booklet over to the quiet Arthur, so he could take a look. "Finally, Star, Nurse Overdale will need to ask you a few quick questions in private. Other than that, unless you have any questions, I'd like to see you again about a month for a dating ultra-scan, so you'll get a letter about that in a week or two." He concluded getting up to leave for his break, as the couple nodded. Arthur passed back he leaflet before squeezing Star's hand and exiting the room too. The nurse then turned to Star,

"Right then, call me Lucy, I'll be in most, or hopefully all, or these appointments," The nurse explained, with a smile. Star nodded slowly, unsure of what to say. "As far as questions go, all I need to ask is regarding a brief medical history, so do you smoke, drink, or take any form of drugs or medication?" Lucy queried, grabbing a pen as she turned over a page in Star's patient notes.

"I don't smoke but I do drink occasionally, but never very much at once. As far as medication goes, I take diazepam twice a day, for my anxiety and panic attacks," Star answered, glancing at the clock, knowing her lunch would soon be over.

"Alright, what about diet and lifestyle? As in do you eat balanced meals and exercise somewhat regularly," Lucy continued, scribbling down some things in the folder, her light-hearted and friendly manner putting a slightly nervous Star at ease.

"On the whole I would say my diet was pretty good, I guess my amount of exercise is somewhat lacking though!" Star quipped. The young nurse laughed, and scribbled down some more information.

"Okay, thank you for that, now do you have any other questions or things you think we should know?" She asked, looking up from the notes. Star thought for a moment, seeing this as a golden opportunity to get professional, confidential advice about the unknown father,

"There is one thing," She started, glancing down to her hands, which sat in her lap, "I'm not 100% sure that I know who the father is… I mean, chances are, its most likely Arthur's –The one who was with me – but, long story short, I spent a drunken evening with a co-worker and well…" She explained being honest as she knew it was important. Lucy nodded thoughtfully,

"Well, we obvious can't do a paternity test since the baby isn't born, but when you have your dating scan we'll be able to tell you how many weeks you are. With that information you should be able to go back and work out when you most likely conceived. Other than that it's obviously important that both partners are fully aware," She told her, trying not to make it seem too bleak. Star gave a slight nod,

"Thank you," She said simply, as she stood up and left the room.

Elsewhere Arthur still had a little while left before he had to go back to work by the tune held left the appointment so had planned to head down to pulses to get a coffee. As he waited in the lift queue CEO Guy Self appeared behind him,

"Afternoon Digby, what are you doing up here?" He quizzed, entering the lift along with a couple of other staff members.

"Mr Self," He began, always made slightly nervous by his presence, as he pushed his glasses up his nose. "I was with Star, her first antenatal appointment was today," He explained, not realising she hadn't yet informed him. Guy pulled a face, surprised that she hadn't told him,

"I didn't realise," He said quickly, as he departed the lift at the ground floor with Arthur. He made an impulse decision to go down to the E.D and confront his daughter about this. Star had only just arrived back on the ward, and luckily was only a few minutes late. As Guy walked on to the ward Connie spotted him, and headed over,

"Afternoon Mr Self," The clinical lead greeted a slight air of caution about her as she was very surprised to be seeing him.

"Mrs Beauchamp! How are you? Would it be at all possible for me to borrow my daughter from you for a brief period?" He queried, glanced around the room to see if he could see her. Connie gave him a questioning glance, unsure who he meant, as she was under the impression that he had only one child, who worked on Keller. Guy noted her confused expression, "Dr Sheward – She's my daughter," He explained. She had to suppress her surprise, as the young junior hadn't struck her as a relative of his, nor had she ever mentioned. She turned around and walked over to the nearby DR Hardy,

"Dr Hardy, have you seen Dr Sheward anywhere?" She asked him plainly. Ethan glanced over his shoulder, not 100% if she had arrived back,

"In cubicles I think," He answered, before disappearing in another direction. Luckily Star was just walking out of one of the nearby cubicles, and was slightly taken aback when she caught slight of her Father standing with Connie. He gestured to her, and she walked over.

"Could you come up to my office please Dr Sheward, there's something important I need to discuss with you," He requested, no emotion evident in his voice. Connie gave her a slight nod, and walked off as the two family members headed for the lift. They both entered the empty lift, and Star looked up to her father, who stayed quiet and wore a blank expression, giving nothing away.

"There's something that _I _need to tell _you _too..." She began quietly, but her dad shook his head slightly, and the left the lift. He said nothing until they were just outside the CEO's office, and began to speak as he placed a hand over the door handle,

"No need, I already know," He replied coldly.


	13. (Not So Much Of A) Daddy's Girl

(**A/N **\- I forgot to put this on my last update, but another thanks to CArfwedsonFan91 for another kind review - I did try and drop you a PM but I'm unsure if it worked! ;) As always though, thank you all for sticking around and reading my story :D x)

* * *

_"No need, I already know,"_ _He replied coldly._

* * *

How did he know? Star's mind began to race, as she took a deep breath, before she entered the office behind her father,

"What..?" She managed to croak out, praying that this wasn't really happening. Guy nodded slightly, leaning on his desk, as his daughter stood across from him in the center of the room nervously.

"I spoke to Digby; he was on his way from maternity, why didn't you tell me?" He asked gently. His tone put the young junior off, and so she simply shrugged, as if to suggest she didn't have an answer. Yet this was not the case as, among other things, she'd wanted to wait to tell most people until after her first scan – since she knew that a lot of stuff could go wrong. "Don't shrug at me young lady," He shouted, suddenly becoming angry at the doctor's insolence. Star was taken aback, and stood blinking at him for a few seconds, before she snapped,

"What was I supposed to do?" She began, and although she hadn't raised her voice the ferocity was still evident. "I've only just found out – but _you _expect _me _to come running to the father who was never there, the father who _pretended _just to keep his record clean?" Guy narrowed his eyebrows at her, his angry only further fueled by her pokes at him as a father, despite him knowing that there was some truth there.

"Well yes, it would've been nice to know that you were having my _grandchild_," He spat back. She simply ran a hand over the top of her hand, and pulled a face at him. He stepped ever so slightly closer to her, and began to speak again,

"You do know that you're throwing your career away by doing this," He stated matter-of-factly, his voice still enraged. Star looked him straight in the eye, and gave a firm shake of her head,

"If that is you trying to suggest I get an abortion then you need to stop," She warned, as anger began to rise from the pit of her stomach, determined not to let him influence her with these harsh words.

"I didn't say that," Guy began, trying to almost backpedal over what he'd just said. "I just meant that things will be very di-" Star cut over him,

"I know_ exactly_ what you meant," Star responded callously, walking to the door and grabbing the handle to leave. Guy moves swiftly so that he could stand in her way purposely, preventing her from leaving,

"Oh, I don't think so, this is _far _from over," He cautioned, causing his daughter to reluctantly step back. "I can't even _begin _to express my disgust and disappointment in you – what were you thinking?!" He started. Star, who sensed a rant coming on, perched on the arm of the small sofa in the corner.

"You're only 24 for crying out loud!" He continued, however Star couldn't help but cut in once again

"Mum was younger than that when she had me," She pointed out quietly, much to her father's disapproval.

Voices were raised, as both parties' tempers began to get out of hand. Their shouting match had been going on for almost ten minutes now, but it showed no signs of stopping or even slowing down, and it seemed to be becoming more ferocious by the minute. Nearby Zosia, Star's half-sister and eldest daughter of Mr Self, was heading up to the CEO's office as she had some scans she wanted him to look at of a patient she was treating on Neurology, where he'd been acting as her (Part-time) mentor. As she got closer to the room the shouts of voices caused her ears to prick up. She raised her hand to knock, but then heard another bellow,

"Don't be so _stubborn… _Oh for God's sake don't start crying now – see this just shows that you're too young to be dealing with a baby," The voice, belonging to her father called out in a rage. She raised her eyebrows, and her inquisitive side just couldn't allow her to drag herself away from the door, interested to see who he was talking to. On the other side of the door a few tears had begun to roll down Star's pale cheeks, possibly partly to do with her raging hormones but also due do to the way Guy's words were starting to deeply cut her internally, especially as she hadn't even had the chance to confide in him about her paternity issues. He'd become so blaming of her so fast, which scared her slightly,

"Do you _really_ want to know why I didn't tell you right away _Dad_?" She asked, looking up at him for a moment. Zosia had to stifle a gasp; her sister was pregnant? Her mind raced, put she felt a pang in her heart, as she was upset by the fact the sister she thought she was oh-so close to had kept it from her. She could now hear the sounds of Star almost weeping whilst she continued to talk, "I _could _miscarry – and who would want to deal with emotional baggage of that?" She yelled, feeling a sudden burst of fury. "Clearly not you…" She added, just loud enough for him to hear.

"Oh Star…" Guy murmured, being hit by a small wave of guilt, but was irritated by her added remark.

"Forget it," Star whispered, pushing the door to leave. As Zosia saw the door begin to move she darted around a corner, not wanting to be seen, or see her sister due to the slight sense of betrayal she now felt. Once Zosia was sure Star had gone, having seen her enter the nearby toilets, she went to knock on the office door.

"Who is it?" Her Dad's voice called, sounding intensely bitter.

"Dr March,"

"I'm Busy," He spat, "Can It wait?"

"I have Mr Wright's CT, I'd like you to have a look," She explained. A sigh escaped Guy's lips as he got up and opened the door. The F2 passed him the tablet so he could take a look, "There's a growth, but I'm not 100% sure what it is," She said, pointing out the area in question.

"It looks like an astrocytoma," He said plainly, passing her back the tablet. "Inform the family, and I'll talk them through options later," He added, expecting her to now go. Zosia nodded,

"Are you okay _Dad_?" She asked gently, hoping to find out a little more about the heated discussion he'd just had with her sister. Guy frowned,

"Oh, it's nothing," He replied, trying to brush it as the last thing he wanted was Zosia on his back too. However she shot him an expectant look, so as to suggest she knew that wasn't the truth. He sighed,

"It's that bloody sister of yours," He began, as his reasons for anger came back to him, "She's gone and got herself pregnant, and was keeping it a secret. Throwing away a career! I'd keep away from her if _I _were _you _Zoshie, she's a bad influence," He spat. The F2 was shocked, but hid it from her face, having not heard him talk this way about anyone who was supposed to be so close to him previously. Ordinarily she would've snapped back at him, standing up for her little sister, however today her heart was there as she was too put down by the fact she'd kept it from her. Before she was able to respond, he ushered her out the room,

"Enough chat, get back to work," He said sternly, closing the door behind her before she could protest.

Upon her departure from her father's office Star had headed to the nearest toilets. She took a couple of deep breaths in an attempt to compose herself. Her hand reach behind her head as tightened the now drooping ponytail her hair was secured in. A sigh escaped her lips as caught sight of her face in the mirror, as it was littered with faint mascara stains. Whilst she tried her best to blot them away she shook her head at herself, realising just how much time she'd spent this way in toilets. The words of her father echoed around her mind, as she begun to question them; maybe he was right? Perhaps she wasn't ready, and that her career she had always longed for would be thrown into jeopardy. It was facts like this that scared her, deeply, and they made her consider if she was doing the right thing by choosing to have the baby. Although she knew that she couldn't abort the pregnancy thoughts of adopt _had _crept into her mind previously however it wasn't something that she knew that much about. She was interested to see what her boyfriend, and possible father of the child she was now carrying, would say they should do – and how this opinion would likely change once she told him of that night she'd spent with Cal. She took a deep breath again, knowing that she couldn't allow herself to get lost within her thoughts, as she always tended to do, as she had a job to do. Once she way happy she looked less of a mess she left the empty room, and headed out towards the lift so she could go back down to the E.D.


	14. Playground Games

The young junior doctor, who frankly would rather have been going home, had just arrived back down on the E.D. Her shift now only had a couple of hours to go, and she kept her head down and spoke only when necessary; this behaviour made her depleted mood startlingly obvious, however nobody really quested it. This was because the her disappearance with Guy had not gone unnoticed, and it seemed some of the more gossip-prone nurses had begun to make connection between the F1 and the suppressed drama surrounding the return of the director of nursing. The happenings of the prior few months had only been disclosed to a select few, mainly on the Keller ward, surrounding the family bond the three shared - yet now it seemed to have snaked its way down to the E.D. This was to be expected, but this didn't mean the looks, blatant stares, and playground like whispers that she saw and heard didn't put her off. In a way though it felt slightly bitter sweet, as although he father agreed to it becoming public she knew it still bothered him at times. She breathed a silent sigh of relief as her sight came to an end, and she made for the locker room quickly, so she could finally leave the resting place of what she'd now dubbed 'the worst day (so far)'.

Upon entry she was realized she had company, in the form of Max and Ethan. The young registrar was tapping away on his laptop and didn't immediately notice her presence; in contrast the porter became very alert as she entered and was shooting her a quizzical look. She knew almost right away why this was, and didn't need to wait for him to open his mouth.

"Yes Max, it's true – _I'm_ his daughter!" She told him with an eye roll. He nodded, and then grinned,

"I see, it looks like a certain sister of mine now owes **me** a drink!" He quipped, referring to a juvenile bet he and Robyn had made upon hearing the rumour – which the nurse though was completely ridiculous -, and he exited the room with a slight grin still plastered on his face. Ethan looked up from his work,

"What was that about? And where on earth were you rushing off to at lunchtime? And what did Connie and Guy want with you?" he queried, a small and clearly puzzled smile making its way on to his face, confused as he didn't tend to get too involved in gossip. Star unlocked her lock before answering,

"You haven't heard? I'm the CEO's _other_ daughter. It's a long story – perhaps I'll bore you with it another time – but in short after a confrontation between him and my mother, the director of nursing, I ended up being hit by a car," He explained, fumbling around in her bag, and Ethan started to speak before she could continue,

"I _thought _I recognised you! I treated you, yeah, I remember now… You'd broken a hip and fractured some ribs, then something went amiss with one of your lungs – I forget what," He reminisced. Star raised a brow, surprised that he remembered the event even though it was many months ago,

"You did? I wouldn't remember to be honest, as you clearly remember was a state!" She replied.

"Yeah – But you made a full recovery so that's all that matters!" He answered, surprisingly brightly. Star nodded again, finally finding what she was looking for in her bag.

"Yeah – I have some faded scars from the op to prove it," She quipped, closing the locker door over slightly. "As for my whereabouts at lunch time, it's very much a secret…" Star started, throwing the 'Baby &amp; You – Antenatal care with the NHS' and 'Your next steps' leaflets she'd received at her appointment that morning. Ethan grabbed them, as the dropped at the floor near his feet, and scanned them briefly.

"Oh – Congratulations," He replied with a smile. Star shook her head though, and walked towards him,

"Hardly; it might be _your _niece or nephew," She stated sadly, sounding deflated, as she flopped down next to him. He tried to give her a small sympathetic smile,

"Only might be – It'll be okay you know," He reassured her, but she shook her head again,

"I doubt it; Guy was looking for me because he saw Arthur leaving maternity, whom by the way still thinks he's definitely the father, and he ended up flying off the hook with me a bit – and he also doesn't know about Cal either," She explained, tears suddenly coming to her eyes.

"You should be honest with them – I'm sure they'd understand…" He said, taking a soothing hold of her hand,

"I doubt it. That's exactly what my mother said to me yesterday though about honesty, I was being sick in the toilets, and she was the one who convinced me to get the test. In all honesty I'd been lying to myself about it for day," She confided, her voice getting gradually quieter as she went on, and tears started to slip from her eyes.

"Hey, hey, don't cry," He spoke softly, rubbing the back of her had gently with his thumb and then interlocking his fingers with hers. Star her head face down on his shoulder for a few moments, to compose herself, before glancing first up to him and then to the floor,

"Sorry, sorry; It's been a tough day," She said quietly.

"Don't be," He replied, as they both pulled each other into a short hug. Needless to say, their friendship had come so far since Star had started working on Holby's E.D, especially due to the countless times Ethan had been there for Star during her panic attacks – which had been quite frequent – and as she had decided before, he was a safe place in all of this. As they pulled apart Star noticed the time on his laptop, and went to stand up,

"It's late, don't let me keep you!" She stated, slightly suddenly. Ethan gave a slight nod,

"See you tomorrow then," He said, pulling the computer back on to his lap. Star grabbed her bag from her locker, before locking shut and leaving to get changed.

As she left Ethan had watched her intently, as he began to think. He was now starting to struggle to deny the thoughts in the back of his mind about the chemistry forming between the two of them. Although he knew perfectly well she had a boyfriend he still held strong feelings of attraction towards her; he wasn't even quite sure what it was, but perhaps it was the strength she had, or the way she seemed to make this highly difficult job effortless. He sighed. She didn't need this, not now, she was in a difficult enough place as it was. No – He couldn't tell her now - that would just be wrong and almost insensitive. He'd just have to stay as he was, and be there for her over the next few months, as it was clear that they weren't going to be easy for anybody. He shook his thoughts off, and then realised she'd left the leaflets behind. He contemplated for a moment, and decided that he should try and find them and give them to her. Knowing that she'd be changed by now he pulled on his grey NHS hoodie and headed outside, hoping to catch her before she left, as although she may not care to admit it these leaflets may actually be helpful. He jogged through the ward and out the doors. He stopped momentarily and scanned the immediate area with his eyes, and saw her nearby walking past the benches staff usually smoked on. Ethan jogged over and called out her name as he got within a few metres of her. Star jumped slightly, and turned around,

"Ethan?" She replied, shocked to be seeing him. "What's up?" She asked, concerned, as she was confused as to why he'd come after her.

"You left these," He said simply, handing her the leaflets. A slight sigh escaped the petite doctor's lips,

"Oh _those, _thanks," She replied quietly, ever so slightly embarrassed. Ethan gave her a slight smiled, not at all surprised by her reaction,

"See you tomorrow," He repeated his words of only minutes ago, before walking off again. She shook her head ever so slightly, as she continued to walk out of the hospital grounds and to the shared flat she lived in. However the aforementioned, 'The worst day (so far)' was about to get even worse, as a familiar face was sitting nearby on one of the benches, and they would soon catch sight of the coloured leaflets she was still clutching in her pale hands…


	15. Second Hand Smoke

(**A/N **\- My apologies as I totally forgot to put up a new chapter yesterday, and so I am putting two up now to make up for it! Also a quick thank you to Guest and CArfwedsonFan91 for leaving some really lovely reviews :D)

* * *

"Child of the Self?" Star's head whipped round, bringing her out of her thoughts, as she heard a voice –_his _voice. She sighed, seeing Cal's smug expression, as this was the last thing she needed. "Oh, so you rumours _are _true," He quipped, after taking another drag of the cigarette he had in his hand. She wrinkled her nose slightly at the smell, as she nodded simply in response, as the smoke seemed to smell worse than it had done when she wasn't pregnant. However unbeknown to her it was nothing to do with the fact she was pregnant, and that he had now acquired a smokable form of the pills he'd been taking. He raised his eyebrows, and opened his mouth to say something, but she shook her head,

"I'd rather _not _talk to you right now," She replied coldly, as she felt her day had been bad enough already without smart remarks from the older registrar about her family. Star turned on her heel to continue her journey home, but she didn't give a second thought to what she was holding in her hands as she did.

"Wait – what are those?" Cal questioned, catching sight of the NHS leaflets she was clutching. She cursed inwardly at her lack of carelessness, as she'd not thought to put them in her bag when Ethan brought them to her. Reluctantly she slowly turned her head and stopped walking once again, knowing full well he wouldn't just let it go, especially if he'd read any of the text on them; stuffing the papers she'd forgotten she had into the top her handbag.

"**Nothing**," She snapped shortly, turning her head and taking another step away from him and towards the exit of the hospital grounds. However he had managed to read enough in the few split seconds that he saw them in her hands to know that this wasn't the case. He stood up from the bench, and caught up swiftly with her so that he was walking by her side,

"Lying's a _nasty _habit Dr Sheward – Or should that be Dr _Self_?" He remarked, in a slightly low voice, which slightly startled and intimidated the young doctor.

"Don't call me that," She mumbled, trying to raise the pace of her walking to get away from him. Cal easily matched this pace however, and continued to follow her.

"Now, if I'm not mistaken – which let's face it, I rarely am! – one of those had the word 'Antenatal' on it," He stated. She rolled her eyes.

"Maybe so – But I'm not having this conversation with you now," She told him, as although it would be a hard enough conversation as it was, and she wanted it to be in better conditions that it was.

"What conversation would that be?" He asked her, purposely playing dumb to get under her skin, even though he knew perfectly well. She began to slow her walking, as she was now intensely irritated by his persistence.

"For God sake!" She muttered under her breath, as she stopped in her tracks and turned to face him. "Fine – I'm having a fucking baby and it might be yours," She hissed, finally snapping under the strain, not even having the energy to construct some sort of lie in an attempt to get him off her back.

"Might be? _Whatever _do you mean?" He quizzed,the sarcasm thick in his voice, as he raised an eyebrow in mock confusion.

"You know perfectly well what I _mean - _I have a bloody boyfriend," She reminded him, the anger still hauntingly clear in her voice as she became further aggravated by his act that he was clearly putting on. "Which is why this was _supposed _to be a secret," She added, worried that he would start to tell people, which was the last thing she wanted to happen.

"_Have_? I bet that means he doesn't know about us?" He asked, reaching down to sweep a hair out of her face; his now intoxicated actions contradicting those of his more sober, apologetic, self previously. "Secret? Of course – _Anything _for_ you_," Star flinched away from his touch instantly, and narrowed her eyes at him,

"There never was – and never will be – an _us_," She told him, shocked at how he seemed to be backtracking from his apologies. With that the turned once again and made her way home, not looking back or waiting for him to respond, hoping that he meant what he said about it staying a secret but highly doubted his integrity, especially in that particular moment, as it was such a big secret.

"Well then - What an interesting turn of events this is," He called out from behind her as she left, causing the odd head of passers-by to turn, much to Star's dismay. Her figure faded into the oncoming evening darkness as she finally continued on her way home. He dropped his cigarette stub to the ground, stepping on it to put it out as he walked off, and then he headed into the E.D so that he could prepare to leave for home – as he'd not actually been on a break and had just snuck away, and had lingered outside as he wasn't 'In the mood' to work – even though he knew that his excuse wouldn't wash with the icy clinical lead.

* * *

Meanwhile, in Albie's, Dom and Zosia were sat around a table together with some drinks. They'd been discussing there days, as they usually did, and Zosia had decided to bring up Star and her Dad as she was interested to know whether or not he'd been told.

"Did _you _know if my sister was pregnant?" She blurted out, and Dom raised an eyebrow, "I heard her arguing about it with Guy in his office earlier today," She explained.

"Not _formerly, _but I certainly _guessed_ – I didn't think it took a genius – haven't you heard her being sick in the morning recently?" He quizzed. Zosia sighed,

"Yeah, I suppose, but then why wouldn't she tell us?" She questioned, still frustrated that her own sister hadn't entrusted her with the news, even though she'd heard the comment she'd made to their father about miscarriage.

"Maybe it was supposed to be a secret from everyone, it could've been unwanted or an accident?" Dom mused, taking a thoughtful sip of his drink, as he considered the woman's possible motivation for not sharing the news, which was generally seemed as positive by most people. Zosia nodded slowly,

"That's true, but I still can't help feeling a bit…"

"Put out?" He suggested, having an idea of how she was feeling by the way she was acting, to which she nodded yet she couldn't help feeling a little angry.

"Yeah," She agreed simply, glad that her friend at least seemed to understand how she was feeling.

"I'm sure if it's something she's continuing with she'll tell us; either that or Digby will have some sort of nervous breakdown," He quipped, considering the way their close friend Arthur Digby would react to being a father. Zosia let out a slight laugh, imagining the sight of it as she guessed that he would react that way, figuring that parenting wouldn't necessarily be his strong point, before taking a swig of her drink.

"I must say though, I am a little worried about what Guy said to her; I heard a _lot _of raised voices and such," She mused, recollecting the scenes she'd heard from outside of the office earlier in the day.

"I think she'll deal with him fine; she doesn't seem to bruise too easily," He joked, although they both knew that there was truth to this as she'd been through a lot so far that year.

* * *

As Star walked along in the decreasing light and gentle wind she played back her brief encounters in her mind with Cal, Guy and Ethan that she'd had that day; it got her thinking. She knew now that it wouldn't be fair on Arthur to stay under the impression that it was definitely his baby, and to help make a decision which could end up not concerning him at all. It was now clear to her that she had to take everybody's advice, and be honest. It's known that the truth can hurt, and in this situation she was very aware how true this would be. The way Arthur would react worried her, as she was very conscious that many of the possible outcomes (Or at least those that came to her mind right away) would be bad, and that she'd aggravated the entire situation by not being straight with him from the beginning. It was only as she continued to worry about this that she remembered that she hadn't even told her flat mates, and although she had planned to keep things quiet until her dating scan – due to her being terrified of miscarrying – she had, in the space of the whole day told pretty much everyone who was close to her. It was only them and her mother who she was left to tell officially, as other than that it was only work friends, colleagues and other such people who it didn't concern anywhere near as directly. So, with all this in mind, she had chosen to tell him that very evening, as she knew he'd most likely try and start some sort of discussion surrounding the baby, after the antenatal appointment they'd attended that day. He probably wasn't going to like it, but the longer she left it the worse it would be for everyone.


	16. Time To Take The Plunge

Star headed into the house, after unlocking the door, and was met with an empty living room.

"Hello?" She called, thinking that the house was maybe empty and that her friends were still working or had gone out, as she closed the door behind her.

"That you Star? I'm just in our room," Arthur responded, whilst she slid off her shoes and headed towards his voice. Upon entry she saw her boyfriend sitting on their bed, tapping away at his laptop – presumably doing work, as per usual.

"Hey," She greeted, dropping her shoes and bag on the chair in the corner and sitting beside him.

"Hello, you alright?" He asked, setting the laptop aside, before taking her hand with a gentle squeeze.

"Mhm…"She murmured in response, to which Arthur gave her an inquisitive look. "It's been a bit of a crap afternoon," She admitted.

"Why's that?"

"Well," She began, "I'm guessing you thought I'd told my Dad?" Star queried, to which he slowly nodded and was now worried that he'd put his foot in it. "I sort of hadn't,"

"Ah," He exclaimed quietly, she shook her head slightly at him.

"Its fine – he knows now," She replied, with a slight laugh. "He didn't take it the best, though. Needless to say there were rather a lot of raised voices, and harsh words – I see what Zosia means about him now! He was regaling me with how it would 'ruin by career' and then he started implying I should get an abortion," She told him, recounting the conversation that had taken place between her and her previously estranged father. Arthur raised an eyebrow, and pushed his glasses up his nose ever so slightly, as he formulated a response in his head.

"That's just – wow!" He answered, surprised at the actions of the hospital CEO, but yet in some ways was also not surprised after hearing stories about him from Zosia in the past. "You don't have to do that - Like I said right at the start of this, we'll get through it," He promised, pulling her into a short hug. She sighed quietly to herself, the opportunity was there, and she had to tell him now.

"This has gone on long enough…" She said quietly, as they pulled apart. He looked down at her, confused as to what she was talking about.

"What do you mean? What has?" He questioned. Her eyes fell to the floor.

"There's something I haven't quite been honest about…" She started, taking a deep breath. "It might not be yours," She said, her voice now a whisper.

"The baby…?" He asked, not quite following. Star nodded slowly,

"Hear me out," She requested, her voice still hushed, hoping that he might take it ever so easier on her if he heard the whole story before staying anything. "You know that night, a few weeks back, when I told you I was covering a night shift? I wasn't. A colleague of mine, Cal, invited me for a meal with him and his brother, but he never showed up. I wasn't planning on staying long, but we started drinking – a lot - and well…" She sighed, knowing he'd be able to figure out the rest. There was a few seconds of silence, as they both processed what had just happened, but it felt like an age to the young junior doctor.

"Right. Right – so you were planning on telling me this when exactly?" Arthur demanded, his tone showing his clear irritation, as he moved a little further away from her. Star opened her mouth for a moment, but closed it again as she was unsure she had a response,

"I don't know," She answered finally, her speech barely audible.

"Because you probably weren't were you?" He snapped, slightly unexpectedly, jumping to sudden conclusions. He stood up as he said this, so he facing her and looking down at her where she sat on the bed.

"What? No Arthur I never said that, I just –" She stuttered slightly, put off by his sudden raise in intensity.

"I think we both know what you meant," He stated simply. Star shook her head, something in her staring to become aggravated.

"Can you just stop – It's not like I meant anything by it – It was an accident," She answered, raising her voice slightly.

"But you _lied,_" He noted, this being the main thing that had annoyed him, rather than the event itself.

"I was waiting for the right time; I was going to tell you before, but then I found out about the baby…" She tried to rationalise, with tears now in her eyes, lowering her hands to her stomach subconsciously as she spoke about her unborn child. He shook his head at her, in disbelief, as he presumed that she was making this up.

"What so now you expect me to play happy families?" He questioned, his attitude showing his increasing anger.

"No – leave now, while you still can – If that's what you want," She answered, her previous raised voice retracting back into a hoarse whisper. He looked right at her for a few moments, in which she prayed he change his outlook and give her a hug - that's what she wanted most in the world right now.

"Liar," He muttered, loud enough so that he could pierce her with his words, before storming out of the room.

Unbeknown to the arguing couple their flatmates, Dominic and Zosia, had walked in a short while ago, meaning that they had heard part of the row as it escalated. Both being drawn by the sounds they were hearing they couldn't help but eavesdrop on them. However they'd both known well enough to make themselves scarce as the silence fell, as this was generally the cue for somebody to exit the room – and it this case it was Arthur. He sat down heavily on the sofa in the lounge with a sigh. Part of him really wanted to go back in, tell her he loved her, and promise her that it'd be alright. He couldn't bring himself to do this now, as in his eyes, it wouldn't be fine. The fact that she'd been unfaithful _and _deceitful, which had truly left him feeling hurt. He refused to believe that'd she'd become _so _drunk that she had absolutely no comprehension of what she was doing. The evening had set in whilst they'd been fighting, and when he looked to the clock he saw that it was now nearly 11, as Star had arrived home less than an hour ago due to her working a longer shift that day, and he had to get up in just over 7 hours as he had an early shift. He knew he would need to get his sleep, yet he couldn't go back in there and face her. So Arthur made the brash decision to sleep on the sofa, despite the questions it would raise with his flatmates. He got up briefly from his seat to retrieve a blanket from the nearby cupboard, before lying back down. One of his hands reached behind him to turn off the solitary lamp which was illuminating the room. Arthur now stared into the darkness, praying that sleep would take him over and remove him, if only briefly, from this horrific situation he was now in.

On the other side of the door Star's tears had started to flow almost instantly after he left. Although this outcome was the most likely, and the one she couldn't shake from her mind earlier, it still was difficult to deal with. This had been the first time they'd ever fought, and come to think of it, the first time she'd ever seen him get angry. Her legs came up to her chest, and she curled herself up into a small ball on the bed, as she tore herself up over all the stupid decisions she'd made. People always said that the 'what ifs' would kill you, especially since coming to work in the harsh environment of the E.D – where split second decisions had to be made all the time- and that you should never think about them. Despite all of this she couldn't help but wonder how different all this would've been if she'd have declined Cal's dinner offer? Would she have ended up helping him that night after in Albie's? Would he have assaulted her? Did that mean that it _was _all her fault? As each of these questions echoed around her broken mind her tears flowed faster, as she hugged her knees tightly. If only she could change the past; If she could then this would make the prospect of this journey exciting – as it should be. Truthfully, although the thought of starting a family scared her, it had always been something that she'd wanted to do. However now it seemed as if this child would end up very much like she did, and end up with an unknown father.


	17. Looking Forward

(**A/N **\- I was reaaaally busy yesterday, and was unable to write anything to upload - so sorry. Happy Casualty day though; it looks like a good one tonight! Also I'd like to thank gracey97 and the guest, who both left reviews on my previous chapter!)

* * *

_**"Last night I slept alone, and the bed felt so big that I got lost – And no one heard my cry. I woke up hugging air." – Pieces, BriBry**_

* * *

Since she had the following day off Star had spent the evening dipping in and out sleep, due to her spending the time thinking about her, and now also her baby's, future. This was all because she'd decided, despite all of the hard ships that came hand in hand with it in her particular case, to keep the baby. She had realised just how much she'd have to change and even give up, which would be all the more harder if she was now left to do it alone. Things like moving into a suitable house, buying baby thing, and possibly a car (as she'd need a way to get around and commute to places like work) would be especially hard if she only had her own salary to live off. On top of money issues there'd also be her career- as she'd come to realise her Dad spoke some degree of truth. Big decisions about her professional life would have to be made, as although she'd most likely be able to complete F1 year (Most likely having to work a few extra shifts here and there) before going on maternity leave, anything after that would be a struggle. This would be because she would have to arrange child care, if she was living alone, which would be yet another thing to price in. All of these things worried her, and made her question whether or not she was ready for this, alone or not. At some point in the early hours she'd fallen back to sleep, and at this time Arthur had briefly entered the room to get some of his things whilst getting ready for his shift. He didn't even give the sleeping woman a second look before leaving swiftly, as he still hadn't quite gotten over their argument the previous evening, which had led to him begrudgingly sleeping on the sofa.

She woke up again at lunchtime to a now empty house; however the time wasn't really of any significance to her because she wasn't working at all that day - which was unusual considering the vigorous rotas that were enforced on the E.D. Truth be told she was expected to study and such like during her day off but, after her day yesterday, this was the very last thing on the young doctor's mind. First she decided to take a shower, as she desperately needed to clear mind after the row she'd had with Arthur, and the sleepless night she'd endured. As the warm water flowed over her body she took a series of deep breaths, trying to clear her mind and relax herself. After getting out, and going to get changed into some simple grey sweatpants and a plain black V neck top, she couldn't help examine her stomach in the mirror. Although she was only around 3 or 4 weeks she was already becoming increasingly paranoid about her now ever growing belly, and whether or not it was visible. Of course though it wasn't, not really, and if anything it simply looked as if she put on a little weight, but even then not that much. She let out a short sigh as the pulled her top back down over her pale skin. She then padded out of the bathroom and into the living, letting out a sad sigh when she saw the blanket, which she knew full well had been abandoned by Arthur, on the sofa. Her hands folded it gently, and replaced it in the cupboard. She planned to try and speak with him when he arrived back from his shift, in an attempt to at least clear the air, as she didn't want their relationship to suffer any more than it already had.

Once she'd had a brief meal, consisting simply of a sandwich and a banana, she proceeded to sit back in her bedroom. She sat in the middle of the unmade mess of covers and let out a sigh. Although it hadn't worked with the Cal situation, she'd thought that listing down everything she needed to do before the baby was born would be a good use of her time. So she reached over to her bedside table, and took out a purple ombre notebook from the draw. She flipped to the next available plain age, and began to scrawl out some words:

_1\. Living situation – Who and where? _

_* Need at least 2 bedrooms_

_* Preferably near to places like town centre and work_

_* Rent – Likely to be more affordable as I can't afford to buy anywhere just yet and I might want to move .etc._

_2\. Money – Bills, living costs .etc. and baby Items_

_* Do some overtime to earn a little more where I can_

_* Save now whilst possible_

_*Budget carefully_

_3\. Career – What next, and how?_

_* Work hard (And possibly extra hours!) to complete my F1 year_

_* After maternity leave resume foundation training and join F2 year (Maybe I could do research or something during this time – If I have the spare time!)_

_* Hospital hours too demanding – Train as a GP instead due to hours being more flexible?_

A sigh escaped her lips as she wrote this final line, as it wasn't what she ever wanted. Although she knew that sacrifices would be necessary, her dream had always to be to work in a hospital as a doctor. It had never been clear to her quite why this was, but she had always enjoyed learning, and the career of nursing like her mother had never had the same appeal.

As she continued this train of thought it dawned on her that she'd forgotten to call her mother as intended, and so decided to do now whilst it was on her mind. She tossed the laptop aside, and picked up her mobile. A slender finger tapped on Colette's contact and lifted the phone to her ear as the familiar rings began to sound.

"Hello?" Her mother's voice called out, when she answered on the third ring.

"Hey Mum," She greeted, trying to sound a little cheerier than she felt.

"Oh hey you!" The nurse replied, her tone instantly softening slightly. "What's up?"

"Are you busy?" She queried, not wanting to drop the news, which could be considered a slight bombshell, at an inconvenient time.

"Nope, I've just come on to a break actually – Why?"

"I've, um, got news," Star began, but was interrupted,

"I hate to steal your thunder love, but I've already had your Father in my ear," She told her gently knowing full well, that by what he had told her that morning, her daughter would be far from pleased.

"He didn't hang around…" She murmured.

"I heard that," Her mother remarked, and although Star couldn't see her she knew that she was most likely grinning or stifling laughter – which she was.

"So, do you agree with him?" She asked pointedly. Then she heard what she was sure was a slight sigh from the other end of the line.

"Look; I'm not going to sit here and tell you it won't be hard – because we both know that already," Colette started, in her usual frank manner that her daughter always loved – as she always knew she was being honest, and that she could count on her to give her the best advice, even if it wasn't what she'd want to hear. "_But _saying that, I know you, and I know that you'll be able to do this – on your own on otherwise. Have you spoken to the boys yet?" She continued, adding the question the end with caution in case she hadn't yet.

"I told them both yesterday, and I wouldn't say it went too great on either counts," She confided. "If anything Cal took it better that Arthur. Me and him had a bit of an argument last night about it; I feel really awful. He was angry that I lied and…" She sighed sadly as she explained, "It got to the point where he ended up sleeping on the bloody sofa,"

"Arthur?" Colette raised her eyebrows, as she hadn't had him down as somebody whom would act this way. "He might come around you know, but you've got the time remember – eight months to get it all in order, and a little wobble like this at the start could end up meaning nothing," She pointed out, hoping to reassure her daughter. "I take it your father knows nothing of this particular issue?"

"Of the paternity issue, no," She answered plainly, "And I'd like to keep it that way,"

"Wise move, I think, given how he was when he told me about all this," She quipped. There was a brief period of silence between the two of them, before Colette spoke up once again, "He told me something else though, about why you didn't tell him…"

"Mmm…" She murmured quietly in response.

"It's okay to be worried you know," She soothed, "I was the same way, truth be told. It's an awful, thought, but I promise you – God forbid it ever happened, you wouldn't be considered 'baggage'; not by me _ever,_"

"It wasn't you I was worried about," She stated in response, "It does help, knowing that, though. I won't lie to you – I was, _am, _scared about it. I suppose though, it's ironic in a way, as I deal with life and death day in day out, but now it's happening to me… To something I thought was unwanted…" Star sighed, stopping as she was suddenly hit with emotion.

"It's okay, I get you…" Her mother replied tenderly, knowing it was probably difficult for her to talk about and consider seeing as it'd already been hard enough.

"Thanks for understanding," Star said graciously, the support from her Mother being very important to her.

"Its fine," Colette answered. A distance collection of voices was then heard in the background, and she sighed, "I've gotta go; Keep me updated though yeah?"

"Of course – _Grandma _Sheward," Star joked. She heard a laugh from her Mother, before she put the phone down.

She placed the phone back down beside her, and glanced to the notebook she'd been writing in. That simple phone call had improved her mood, and was pleased to know that she had the support of one person, if nobody else. She leaned back against the headboard for a moment and shut her eyes, suddenly feeling very tired.


	18. A Steady Decline

(**A/N **\- sorry for miss an upload yesterday, but word crashed so many times and it was driving me crazy! I think it's sorted now, however I go back to school as of tomorrow, so uploads may not be daily right away, but I will try and develop a routine that allows me time to prewrite chapters a bit more in advance. Also thank you to the reviweres of my last chapter: CArfwedsonFan91 &amp; gracey97. :D)

* * *

Her peaceful silence was soon interrupted, by the soft, low thud of the flat's front door as somebody opened it and swiftly closed it again. Star opened one eye, curious as to who had come home. Part of her hoped that it was Arthur, as it'd be easier to talk to him in an empty house, without having to worry about Zosia or Dominic chiming in on anything. Her legs swung over the side of the bed and she took a breath before standing up. A shiver ran through her when her bare feet made contact with the cold laminate flooring, under a rug in the room. She padded out slowly, and made her way towards the kitchen. Her eyes were met by the taller figure of her older sister,

"Oh it's only _you_," She quipped, with a mock roll of her eyes. Zosia turned around at the sound of another voice.

"Charming!" She replied, her tone sarcastic yet also short, as she hadn't quite gotten over the secret she now knew Star was hiding – even after the reassurance from Dom. The younger woman headed over the fridge, and poured herself a drink, whilst Zosia simply stood. Her eyes watched her sister for a moment, as she was also rather curious about the yelling between her and Arthur she'd had heard yesterday evening. "I see all is well with you and Arthur?" She noted, with a raise of her eyebrows, making a clear reference to the sleeping Arthur she'd seen on the sofa during the night when she'd gotten up to use the bathroom.

"Yeeaah – _About _that," She began, leaning back against the counter. "I don't know if you heard, but we had an argument last night. It was my fault; it was over that 'night-shift' I never did a few weeks back – you figured out where I'd been?" Star explained, hoping she'd still remember. After a brief pause the older doctor nodded.

"Mhm, yeah; you had a drunken fling with somebody," She answered, wording it in a way she knew would wind her up a little as she simply couldn't help herself.

"I wouldn't call it that…" She started to argue, but chose to stop herself. "_Anyway,_ it was about that. He was angry about me lying and stuff. In truth, there's a little more to it than that, but I'd rather explain once Dom is back – just so I don't have to repeat myself or whatever,"

"Okay?" Zosia responded, masking her feelings of betrayal with confusion, still upset that she wouldn't even tell her when they were alone and had to wait for their flatmate. "I think he'll be back pretty soon," She stated plainly, before disappearing off to her room.

Less than 15 minutes later Dom burst into the flat, and his sudden entrance caused Star to look up quickly from the programme she was watching on the TV.

"Some **toe rag **was sick in my hair right before the end of my shift," He whimpered, which sent Star into a fit of giggles. Dome grimaced before dashing off to the shower. Zosia entered the room just as he disappeared into the bathroom.

"What's up with him?" She queried, joining her sister on the sofa.

"A child was sick in his hair," Star told her with a smirk.

"Oh the joys of peads!" She joked, as she let out a laugh. The pair then sat in a comfortable silence until Dom reappeared.

"What's up with you Selfie sisters?" He questioned as he sat down with them. The two girls exchanged a brief glance, and both shook their heads at him slightly.

"I, um, have some news that's all," Star replied, her voice slightly quiet. "It's kind of to do with why Arthur and I had an argument,"

"Right?" Dom prompted, feeling inquisitive, even though he was at least partly sure what was coming.

"I got rather drunk a few weeks back, and ended up spending the night with a colleague. I'm now pregnant; meaning that the baby may not be Arthur's… Needless to say that obviously didn't go down too well," She explained briefly, her eyes becoming fixated on the floor. Zosia and Dom caught each other's eyes for a moment, before Zosia nodded slightly and pulled Star into a much needed hug. They pulled apart after a moment or two, and Dom spoke up,

"I know these aren't the best circumstances, but I guess congratulations; I hope he comes around," He said kindly, albeit a little awkwardly as even though he knew what news was going to come he was slightly shocked at the added conditions which came with it. Star smile at him graciously. Just as a silence was about to fall Arthur came through the door. His eyes fell on his three flatmates, and an air of suspicion came over him.

"I told them," Star explained plainly, her voice quietening slightly as she hadn't spoken to him since the previous evening. He nodded simply as he slid his shoes off, not making much eye contact with the rest of the group. Dom and Zosia exchanged looks once again,

"I probably I have work I should be doing," Zosia remarked, glaring to Dom as she stood up. He got the message instantly and nodded, knowing she was trying to clear the room so the couple could talk, as they wouldn't need spectators after their row.

"Yeah me too," He noted, also walking off to his room. Star shook her head at them gently, and looked back over to Arthur, who was now leaving the kitchen with a drink.

"I'm sorry, about last night," She said to him quietly. His eyes flickered over to her, as that feeling of guilt he'd had came back slightly. He simply shook his head a little, unsure of what to say.

"What's done is done," He stated, and walked over to sit on the arm chair which faced the sofa, "At least you _did _tell me; I suppose I can see why it would be easier for it be a secret," He added, as the more he'd thought about it the previous night he sort of understood it - this didn't stop the anger or the hurt he was feeling however. A hush then came over them, as they were both wrapped up n their own thoughts. Star was considering the list she'd made that day, and chose to mention moving to him,

"Look," She started, feeling a little nervous, "I was thinking today, and I realized that I'm going to have to make a lot of changes over the next few months. One of which is obviously my living situation. Now, I myself will have to move, so you do with that information what you will,"

"What?" He asked, confused slightly by her ending words, and also surprised that she had already thought about things like this.

"Well, just because _I _have to go doesn't mean _you _have to. I don't want to make you do anything; I won't put you through raising a child every day that could turn out not to be yours and was the result of me, let's face it, cheating," She continued, fiddling with a loose thread on the bottom of her top as she spoke. "_But, _I will tell you one thing: All I ask for is certainty, and for you to be 100% of what you want. Don't feel like you have to come if you know you won't be able to deal with what name the piece of paper will have on it after the test," She finished, taking a breath. Arthur looked slightly bewildered, caught off guard by how clear she was being.

"Okay…?" Was the only word he could get out, as he processed the information she'd just given him. "Are you sure it's not a bit… A bit _early _to be thinking about all of this?" He then asked, although he was unsure why as he knew it was pretty insensitive. Star's brow creased, disappointed that that's all he had to say, but also irritated that he was now almost instantly questioning her,

"Nine months will go fast," She said shortly, as she was becoming aggravated.

"Mmh," He mumbled, pushing his glasses up his nose, "But with the dating scan you could go backwards, maybe figure out-"

"It's unlikely that'll prove very conclusive, a lot can happen in a week," She pointed out, cutting him off. This time it was Arthur, who pulled a face,

"So you aren't even _willing _to wait?" He questioned, getting annoyed that she wouldn't even wait to see if it would help or not.

"No," Star snapped slightly unintentionally, "I've got to start deciding these things now; otherwise it'll be too late. Besides, I was only supposed to be here on a semi-permanent basis anyway," She added.

"Are you sure that you aren't being a little unreasonable?"

"No," she snapped again, voice raised ever so slightly, "I'm being _rational, _and if this is what your being like _before _it's born then it suggests to me that you won't be 100% certain on staying with us, despite what the paternity result is,"

"Fine; I'm obviously better off not going with you then," He concluded, his voice also raised a little as he became increasingly angry. Star then stood up, and looked him right in the eye for a moment, before walking off to their room. The door closed swiftly behind her, and she slumped down it and on to the floor.

"So much for clearing the air," she mumbled to herself, as she pulled her knees up to her chest and laid her head on top of them. A few tears came to her eyes, and she allowed them to flow, yet let out no cries or sobs.


	19. A Change Of Scenery

**(A/N - First off, I must offer my_ profuse_ apologies for that sudden, and unexpectedly long hiatus there. If I'm going to be completely honest I had no fully genuine reason for it, other than a couple of exam (Which finished weeks and weeks ago!), however I'll admit I'd certainly lost my thread and inspiration for this, and I haven't had the greatest mind set for doing anything productive at all lately. Although I have said this previously I am now back, and hope to write on a regular basis, and will be completing this story. I can't wait to hear what you think, as there's a lot of excitement yet and many surprises! On top of this I have quite a few ideas for both Holby and Casualty fics in mind, and will begin work on these within the next few weeks. Aside from that I hope you enjoy this chapter, and the ones that will follow in the next few weeks, (All being well I estimate that this story will be all over within around 2 or 3 weeks, as I hope to upload at least 5 days of the week) but where have we heard that one before? ;) x)**

Her word had been kept. A little over a month had passed, and moving day had arrived. As per her word the now approximately 7 or 8 week pregnant Star was moving out, alone. Unfortunately though, it wasn't just her who'd kept to her word, as Arthur was still adamant that she shouldn't do this yet, and that he wouldn't go. Due to this the couple had been at each other's throats, yet somewhere in the midst of this an agreement had been made that perhaps living apart could help them rekindle the strong relationship they once had. Her move had been kept quiet and she hadn't told many people, even choosing to delay slightly so she could move on a day off work. The only other people who obviously were aware were her current flatmates: Best friend Dom and half-sister Zosia. Initially they were surprised, and sad to see her go, but still supported her wholly and helped her out when she was searching for a property. In the end she'd settled for a simple 2 bedroomed flat in the town centre. It wasn't perfect, but she'd told herself it'd do for now and that it was the best thing in her price range, as she'd seen many similar flats in the Farmeade estate, which was a rather ruff area to say the least. She'd also spoken to her mother briefly about the matter, as during a conversation they'd had over a lunch one afternoon the subject of the baby had come up, and Star chose to tell her of the imminent move. Much like the others she had shown her support, and although couldn't be present on the actual day of the move, due to prior work commitments, she'd offered up the use of her car so that Star didn't have to pay the added expense of a van.

Knowing she'd need all the help she could get to shift her stuff she decided to ask her 3 flatmates for help, but their reactions had been somewhat mixed. Arthur, unsurprisingly, had developed so much work it was unreal' and he was simply _far _too busy to lend a hand. To contrast both Zosia and Dominic were eager to lend a hand, however Guy's sourness surrounding the recently announced pregnancy of his estranged daughter got in the way; He denied Zosia any time off at all, stating that 'It wasn't important enough for her to miss essential work in his new, up and coming super center'. As a result of this she'd now been left with only Dom to help her, but he didn't mind and said he was happy to help her out.

The day arrived, and with both Zosia and Arthur up and out very early due to their shifts it left the flat empty so Dom and Star could make a start. She had boxed up many of her items over the previous couple of evenings, so there was little left to pack. As well as the movement of all her boxed belongings there was also the small matter of building the bits of furniture she'd been buying in the run up to the move, as the flat came with none. Needless to say, this was an expensive affair for the young doctor, but despite Star's protests Colette had given her some money to help with things.

"That's the last of it," Star called, walking out of her room and into the kitchen, where Dom was sitting eating a bowl of cereal.

"Right, once I've eaten I can lift stuff for you then – We don't want you putting your back out now," He quipped, causing them to both laugh. She nodded, and retrieved the car keys from her bag and put them on the table next to him. She then proceeded to take her box of anxiety medication, from one of the kitchen cupboards, along with a few other loose belongings and headed back to the bedroom so that she could put them into her bag. Moments later Dom appeared in the doorway,

"Ready?" He quizzed, keys in hand, to which Star nodded. She grabbed the handle of a suitcase, containing clothes, and wheeled it out the door and down to the car, whilst Dom picked up a couple of the smaller boxes and followed suit. In the end they managed to squeeze all of her belongings into the car, completely filling the boot and the back 3 seats, meaning they wouldn't have to return. The realization that she'd no longer be living here, understandably, left Star with an almost empty type of feeling at the pit of her stomach, as this was the only placed she'd ever stayed whilst living in Holby and starting her proper career.

Star directed Dom on the short 15/20 minute drive to her new building where her flat was.

"You sure you wanna do this?" Dom asked gently, noting a haze of apprehension which had become apparent on his friends face. She simply nodded slowly in response, and got up out of the car which had now been parked in the car park. He followed suit and they began to unload, not talking a lot to begin with. Star dragged a case behind her, and had a handbag slung over her shoulder. They entered the building, and headed towards the lift and up to her flat, which was on the top floor of the block. She traced the steps she'd made with the estate agent only weeks ago and unlocked the door to her new home.

"Looks nice," Dom commented, as he took in the living room, which was open plan and had a small kitchen area in one corner. The walls were all painted white and the room had quite a few large windows, giving it an airy feeling, and there was a view of Holby's busy city center from above. There were 3 light wooded doors on the surrounding walls, and they each led to the bathroom, and the 2 bedrooms. Star gave him a slight nod, and pushed open the door which she remembered led to the larger double room, and dropped down the case.

"Ok, so my stuff in here and any other stuff can go in the single room," She instructed. Dominic nodded, and placed down the boxes he had in his arms. They pair made the journey up and down a couple of times, placing all of her belongings in the correct place. Building the flat pack furniture was a different story, and took them a lot longer despite them helping each other, yet needless to say there was plenty of laughs along the way at the pair's incapability to do something which many people would view as a necessity for an adult to be able to do!

It was now tea time, and the two of them had managed to build all the pieces of furniture and Dom had refused to leave (Despite Star insisting he shouldn't go to the trouble) until the flat was in some sort of order. At that current moment they'd downed tools, and were sitting on the floor (as she'd not yet had a sofa delivered) around Star's laptop, with a takeaway pizza they'd ordered, watching an episode of 'Friends' which'd been on TV. As the credits rolled she looked over to Dominic, and he glanced to the clock,

"Well, it's been lovely, but as you know I have the pleasure of a night shift this evening, so I'm afraid I have to go," He explained, lifting himself up off the floor. Star nodded, and stood also, and they pulled each other into a short hug.

"See you soon," She replied, following him to the door. He headed out, but before he went out of sight and around the corner she called after him, "Dom?" She began, causing him to stop walking and turn his head, "Look after Digby for me will you?"

"Sure," He replied, with a small knowing smile and a nod. Before he turned and continued to walk he said, "But don't be a stranger yeah?" To which Star grinned, and then closed the door as her friend disappeared. A low sigh escaped her lips as she lent back against the door for a moment. Star pushed her body up and walked back to where they'd been sitting; she grabbed what was left of the pizza and put it in to the mostly empty fridge. Before heading to her room she picked up her laptop. Once in the room she sat it on top of one of the boxes and pushed the lid shut. As she was already in a reasonably comfy outfit of a plain navy t-shirt and black leggings she chose to skip the effort of changing, and curled up in the middle of the freshly made double bed. Yet another sigh escaped her lips, the feeling of all the space hitting her. She was still used to the feeling of somebody else there, as although they'd not been getting on the greatest recently the couple usually slept in the same bed (Unless there'd been a particularly bad argument over something, as there often was). In their heads they'd put this down to them still being close to one another, and not simply for reasons of practicality or comfort as opposed to the sofa. Her thoughts further encompassed her as she wrapped the duvet around her tightly balled body. It then came to her that tomorrow morning was both her dating scan and booking appointment, and this damped her mood further as she recalled the mess she'd gotten herself into. Musings of Cal then drifted into her head, mainly about the state of their relationship. Since that night she'd seen him smoking outside the hospital and told him about the baby he'd barely said a word to her. Unbeknown to her the thoughts in_ his_ head were very different to what you'd first expect…


	20. In Writing

An unusually sunny afternoon was gripping the city of Holby and young junior doctor Star Sheward was just about to begin a long evening shift in the hospital's Emergency Department, meaning she wouldn't finish until around 10'o clock. She had been in the building for a considerable amount of time already that day though, as she had been attending her antenatal booking appointment and dating ultra sound scan. Much to her relief all had been well, and she had been informed she was approximately 8 weeks now. Although the appointments had boosted the small amount of excitement she was feeling towards her upcoming pregnancy she couldn't help but remember how she had promised herself to begin telling people at this sort of time, as her biggest fear of miscarriage now had a much lower chance of happening. She'd made a mental note to inform Mrs Beauchamp, as unbelievably her father didn't seem to have told anybody else, but whether this was down to him actually thinking of her or due to the embarrassment it seemed to cause him she wouldn't know, as since he found out and they'd had their row he hadn't spoken a work to her – professional/work related or otherwise. Star had tried to not let this bother her too much, as she knew that she had much bigger things to worry about as far as relationships with people were concerned. Another relationship which had come to the forefront of her mind as a result of the appointment was her's and Arthur's; since moving the previous day she hadn't heard anything out of him, not even so much as a phone call or a text message. It was difficult to deny the fact that this bothered her, even though they hadn't been on the greatest terms prior to this. This combined with the foreign feeling of being in a flat, and even simply a bed, alone really hadn't helped her mood.

Her shift was now approximately, and there was a quiet lull over the department, however if she'd learnt anything from her time in the E.D this usually signalled the calm before storm. Star decided to take full advantage of her short break, combined with the light work load most people had, and go and tell Connie the news. Despite her being the person she least wanted to inform first she knew that she had to, even though she was at least a little bit put off by the woman's 'Ice queen' façade. She quickly went to the staff room to grab a few bits of paper, as she had to inform her employer in writing so had written a letter (One copy for Connie, and another for Guy – Despite the fact he was already completely aware), she also had a couple of important NHS papers she receive over the past few week which gave official confirmation. A short sigh escaped her lips before she headed to her office, and her pale hand knocked on the door,

"Come in?" Mrs Beauchamp's voice called from within the room. Star took a deep breath before she entered. A slight smile crossed Connie's face, as she looked up from her computer. She made a gesture for Star to sit opposite her, as she noticed that she was holding papers and guessed that she wasn't in here for something short. "Dr Sheward? What can I do for you?"

"Well," Star began, "I thought that today was probably the best time to inform you that I'm 2 months pregnant, as I had a dating ultra sound this morning," She explained, passing over the relevant papers for her to see. Connie had to try and mask the shock from her face, as this was one of the last things she was expecting to be told.

"I see," She started, her eyes scanning the paper that had been set before her, and she gave the young doctor a brief smile, "Well, Congratulations, I shall pass this letter on to Mr Self for you too. Once all that's done a meeting will be arranged to discuss your maternity leave and pay, so I'll inform you of that in due course. I anticipate you'll want to try and complete your F1 year before you leave?" She then questioned, curious to see if this had even been considered by Star, as she'd seen many young juniors in her position that always had these things as an afterthought.

"Yes, I would, which is why I plan to take my leave later than the earliest of 11 weeks before my due date," Connie gave a brief nod.

"I see, it's good to see that you've considered this. I think it's worth mentioning though, it is possible for you to stay and finish your year in this department, rather than doing a rotation on another ward which would end up being shorter as it'd be cut off by your leave. This would then be made up by more, slightly shorter rotation next year, as you've done two longer ones this year," Connie explained, feeling the need to make sure she had all the options, as although she hated to admit things like this she had developed a slight soft spot for the doctor. She'd tried to tell herself this was because she was the child of a senior and she wanted to ensure she treaded carefully to avoid any potential issues, but really it was due to the way Star handled things, and how she just got on with things – which in her experience was uncommon with most junior staff.

"That certainly sounds like a good idea, and definitely something I'll consider," She replied, with a slight nod. Connie nodded back in response,

"Alright, I'll keep you posted in regards to the meeting and I'll pass these letters on, but other than that I imagine your break is over, so can you get back please?"

"Of course, Thank you Mrs Beauchamp," Star replied, before standing up and leaving to head back to the ward.

The end of her shift came pretty quickly after that, and she headed to the locker room to get her stuff, where she was greeted by Robyn, Max, and Lofty, who were all going home (Aside from Lofty – much to his dismay, as he had only been in for the last couple of hours). Max turned as she entered, and gave her an expectant look, having seen her in Connie's office, and curious as ever was digging for gossip,

"Sooo, Star, good shift?" He asked, his clear intentions blaringly clear. She shook her head, as Robyn shook her head at her brother's lack of tact. She didn't even start to open her locker before speaking,

"Just fine thanks Max, I imagine you're just asking out of _genuine _concern for me, your friend, and you don't have any form of alternative motive?" She asked, with an air of mock confusion.

"No, no at all!" He quipped, "Totally nothing to do with you going to Mrs B's office out of _choice _whilst you were on a _break_," He added, as the three of them looked at her expectantly as Max had said the exact thing that they'd all been wondering at least a little bit.

"Well, in all honesty I was going to tell everyone anyway," She began, walking over and sitting with everyone, "I'm pregnant," She stated, a grin spreading across her face. A variety of facial expressions were painted on the group, with both Max and Lofty both looking suitably surprised and although Robyn was also reasonably shocked grin came across her face as she pulled the petite doctor into a hug.

After a short while of congratulations and discussion of Star's announcement the group dispersed and went either back to work or home. Somehow in the midst of this, much to Star's surprise and relief, she had avoided the obligatory "Who's the father?" question. If this question had been asked she was very unsure as to what she'd have said to them. She hauled her body up from her chair and opened her locker to get out her clothes, and a small sticky note fell to the ground. She bent down to pick it up and read the handwritten message on it:

**Star –**

**Come to the on-call room after your shift, it's important.**

Her brow creased, who could this be from, she didn't recognise the handwriting? Her curious nature got the better of her however, as she felt practically dragged up to the room, after she got changed, wondering if the leaver of the note would still be there. She took a short breath before entering, and was almost unable to process who it was she saw before they began to speak,

"I have a proposition for you.."

**(A/N - Dun dunnn a cliffhanger! :') ****I'd love to hear you might think it is in the reviews and what it is they might want.)**


	21. A Proposition From Left Field

**(A/N - I missed yesterday because I was busy, but overall I think I've been pretty consistent with my daily (ish) uploads so I hope that pleases you! Also thanks to ****CArfwedsonFan91 for her review of the last chapter, and also ConstanceBeauchamp who reviewed chapter 18 and I forgot to credit, as I like to do because I really appreciate all the support I get from you guys!)**

* * *

"I have a proposition for you…"

* * *

Star opened her mouth for a moment before closing it again, unsure what on earth to say. To her surprise, the person who'd just stood up from where they'd been sat on the small bed in the room was Cal.

"W-what?" Was all she could blurt out in her current state of shock.

"Hear me out," Cal requested, not pausing long enough for her to neither agree nor disagree. "I've been thinking, about what you told me the other week, about the baby. I know I didn't handle it the best, or anything over the past few weeks, if I'm truly honest," He continued, and although Star was unaware he was currently suffering a low, and a craving for drugs, as he had run out and hadn't had the chance to get more, "_But _I want to show you that I'm truly sorry and I want to try and fix this –I'm truly serious about this Star, I promise, I've changed, I'm stopping the drinking for one. I know that's a chance that this baby could be mine, and I _do_ know you have a boyfriend. However I _also_ know that things between you aren't good,"

"How do you know that?" Star cut in, confused as to how he'd know this, but she wasn't aware of Cal's talent for finding things out but on top of this he'd heard them having a brief argument on their way into work one day. He simply ignored her and pressed on,

"Anyway, I think it's only fair that you and this baby have the best chance at life; that's why I think it'd be best if you came to live with me. I don't think its right that you bring up a child in that sort of environment, a broken home, or without a father figure – just like you were. Don't you agree?" He asked, his voice lowering as he approached the end of his sentence. Star stared at him wide eyed; completely bewildered by this suggestion, as it was the very last thing she was expecting to hear him say. She was about to try and formulate some sort of response, but he ploughed ahead once again, not allowing her to get a word in edge ways. He then stepped a little closer to her, and took a brief hold of her hand, "I know that that means you'd have to break up with him, even if that's just to stop people talking, but think it over yeah?" He finished, dropping her hand and leaving as suddenly as it all happened. His tone throughout had all seemed genuine, and almost warm, and it reminded her so much of the man she'd met on her first day – the one that she might not like to actually admit she fell for, at least to some extent, on that one night. 

Star stood in the middle of the room for a few minutes, trying to process what'd just happened. A long breath came in and out of her lips, before she exited the room to take the long walk home where for the second night in a row she'd be alone. As she followed the new and unfamiliar route home she replayed her conversation with Cal over hundreds of times in her head, wondering what she should do. Surely it wasn't the right thing to do? He'd hurt her badly before, yet he seemed so different, so genuine this time. What if he had changed and she would never know? Was she truly kidding herself that things with Arthur would pan out again? Here she was again, mulling over all the what ifs. She sighed to herself as she unlocked her flat door after exiting the lift. Her eyes looked over to the clock, realizing that it had now just gone 11, as her detour with Cal had meant she'd got home later than expected. Due to this she wasted no time in removing her make-up, throwing her hair into a messy bun and pulling on a large grey t-shirt, which came to mid-thigh, to sleep in. After this she then headed over to one of the kitchen cabinets and pulled out a plastic day of the week pill box which contained her anxiety medication, among other things. She swallowed them all with a swig of water from a glass she'd just filled, as her doorbell rang. Unsure of whom it was she headed over to go and answer it. For the second time that day she was very surprised as to who she saw looking back at her,

"Ethan?" She queried, shocked to have seen both of the brothers in such unexpected circumstances that day, and also slightly embarrassed at her state of dress. "What's up?" She added, moving to allow him in out of the corridor.

"I can't actually stay," He remarked, sounding a mix of apologetic and almost sad. "Strictly business I'm afraid, so please don't shoot the messenger! I've just had a call from Zoe, a major incident has been declared as there's been a huge RTC on the ring road. The night shifts short staffed, so they need as many of us in as possible, and I remembered you said you'd moved here and it's not too far from me so I said I'd ask," He explained. Star nodded as he spoke,

"That's not good! I'm sorry though, I can't; I've just come home after a shift, and obviously wasn't thinking I'd be needed back, so I've taken my sleeping pills and stuff," She told him. Ethan's brow creased,

"Sleeping pills?"

"Yeah, I've had reasonably bad insomnia all my life but since I fell pregnant it's gotten worse so I got them from my GP. I doubt I'll be much use to anybody in that state so.." She explained simply. He nodded,

"Ah, I see. Well that's understandable, and I'll pass the message on for you, but I should probably get going though – I imagine that they'll want all the help they can get ASAP," He replied, sounding slightly apologetic once again. Star gave a slight nod and walked over to the door to let him out,

"Yeah, see you tomorrow," She answered, before closing the door behind him. She paused for a moment before doing anything else, wishing he could've stayed a little longer so she could've at least asked him about the whole Cal situation. However it looks like that was a decision she'd have to make all by herself. 

A very short while after this she headed to bed, as she was beginning to feel drowsy due to the pills. Once again she found herself curled up in the middle of the bed, feeling gripped by the intense loneliness. She could go on like this; she hated the feeling of being alone, and feeling almost unwanted by a lot of people sometimes. It was a joke to her, thinking she could bring up a baby like this, what was she thinking? Surely she was kidding herself that things with Arthur would work? If he was serious about it why hadn't she heard from him and why was fight all they ever seemed to do anymore? Perhaps Cal was right, and it wasn't fair to bring the baby up in an environment like that, where it'd all be so unstable? The comment about not having a father figure had hit her very hard personally, as it was something which obviously hit home with her since it's something she knew about all too well. As well as this she knew he was definitely right about what he could offer her, as well as just material things like money, it'd mean she'd have the companionship which she really felt was missing from her life at the moment, which had been leaving her feeling so empty. It was this though that threw her off, knowing just what'd happened there'd been any form of intimate relations (Or drunken attempt of) between the two of them. Although it'd been many weeks ago she'd still been left slightly haunted by the situation. Thoughts of that was one of the things that really put her off accepting, in fear of it happening again. As well as this the fact that the offer had all come about so suddenly, which gave it all a very weird vibe especially as she hadn't heard a word from him since he found out she was pregnant. She knew that this wasn't a decision she should take lightly, and it shouldn't be hurried, especially as there was of course a baby in the picture which she knew should be of the upmost importance here. Luckily though the sleeping tablets served their purpose, and served as a reprieve from the turmoil her thoughts were in, as they caused her consciousness to slowly fade away and allow her to sleep peacefully.


	22. Caffeine Cold

_(**A/N **\- I cannot even begin to apologise for my extended hiatus I took there, which was due to many things, but I ended up losing my thread with this story and was unsure how to continue. However now I have suddenly felt inspired to write again, and wanted to finish this story before starting something new. One thing I would like to note is that although many things have happened with characters such as Arthur (The cancer, his engagement .etc) and Ethan (Huntington's) I am going to be omitting these from my story, simply as I was never really following too strictly with the on-screen plots, and they will interfere with my intended turn of events. Other than that I hope you enjoy reading the rest of my story, and would really appreciate you sharing it with any Casualty/Holby fans you may know! :D x)_

* * *

Star's morning had been rushed, with the sleeping pills causing her to sleep through her alarm. It'd been a cause of grabbing any clothes she could find (As she was still a little un-organised in her new flat), pulling her hair into a ponytail, putting on as much of her regular makeup as time allowed and rushing out the door; Barely having enough time to grab any form of food after taking her medication and brushing her teeth. She huddled inside her coat, away from the wind and torrential rain, as she waited for her cab. It arrived with just enough time to spare, meaning she would be able to grab a drink and hopefully a bite to eat before her shift began. As she walking across the car park Arthur was walking just behind her, and sped up slightly to catch up with her,

"Morning," He greeted, trying to seem cheery despite not having heard or spoken to her since she moved out. She turned her head, just as they came to the door,

"Oh Hi Arthur," She replied, with a slight smile knowing she should try and make the effort to be civil even though he hadn't made any real attempt at this over the past few days.

"You got time for a coffee?" He queried, as they entered Pulses. She gave a slight nod, even though she still couldn't stand the smell and so wasn't drinking it; they headed to a table. As Arthur sat she noticed Cal out the corner of her eye, and he gestured to her,

"I'll get them if you like – Is an espresso okay?" She asked, met by a nod from him, and she headed over to the queue where Cal was, and he shot her a smile.

"So, have you made a decision?" He questioned almost immediately, skipping the regular greetings people would usually use. Star's brow creased,

"What?" She answered, thinking that he surely couldn't be talking in reference to his offer from the previous day. Cal took a sudden grab of her wrist, which was enough to startle her but not enough to alert anyone else in the room.

"I _said _have you made a decision, as in about what I said last night," He repeated in clarification, his voice lowered and with clear hints of a sudden anger – Yet again Caleb Knight was high.

"Yes, I will," She blurted out, without even thinking due to the sudden shock and uneasy fear. He smirked,

"Good girl, I _knew _you'd make the _right _decision," He stated, his voice lowering in volume again as he came a little closer to her. "Well no time like the present," He added, releasing her from him grip and giving her a subtle push over to Arthur. She took a deep breath, the enormity of what she was about to do kicking in, and as always the what ifs swirling through her mind,

"Arthur?" She began, causing him to look up and briefly catch Cal's eye as he was now leaning against a pillar pretending to be on his phone whilst observing the situation. "I've been thinking, I don't think our relationship is working anymore, I know we thought living apart might help but it hasn't, so that's why I've made the decision to break up with you.." She explained, trailing off, and the sadness in her eyes and the fear in the way she held herself were glaringly obvious for any and every one to see. Arthur's face turned, it was a mixture of shock, sadness, confusion, suspicion (Due to her body language .etc.) and even some anger. "I'm going to move in with Cal," She added a little quieter, as he turned up behind her as she looked round. Before Arthur could say anything Cal had snaked an arm loosely around Star's waist and led her away. In his signature fashion Arthur pushed his glasses up in nose, wiping away the tears brimming at his eyes and awaiting to fall, as he stood there bewildered, watching the girl he thought he'd be with forever walk out of his life.

He sat there for a got few minutes more, trying to make sense of it all. His head was a haze of questions, as he still couldn't get his head around why she'd do this; he thought they were going to at least attempt to fix the state of their relationship yet she hardly been gone 5 minutes and she had run off with someone else. A heavy sigh escaped the lips of a baffled Digby, and he then inwardly cursed as he realised he was nearly 15 minutes late for his shift. After downing the last of his coffee he bolted for the lift, and made his way up to the ward. Once he arrived he attempted to make his way into the locker room to change unnoticed, however he wasn't so lucky,

"Ah, _**Clark Kent**_, I was wondering when you'd decide to join us," Consultant Fleur Fanshawe called down the hall at him, as she was walking down it with an armful of patient files. He stopped in his tracks and turned to face her as she came to a stop in front of him, but he said nothing. "If you're not too _busy_ I'd appreciate a few a moments of your time once you're ready," She added, disappearing down the hall somewhere and leaving Arthur to change. He did so quickly and headed to the nurse's station where Fleur was waiting.

"Miss Fanshawe, you wanted to see me?" He enquired, as she turned around.

"Yes," She began, "You see I'm simply _fascinated_ by what it was that caused an enthusiastic junior such as yourself to turn up late to a shift?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry, won't happen again," He muttered, his face still illustrating the aftermath of the break up, before disappearing off to complete ward rounds. She raised a brow, and looked over to Sacha who had just walked over,

"What's up with him?" She thought out loud, her eyes following him for a moment as he was doing ward rounds, however Sacha simply shrugged, as surprised as she was.

The rest of the day had been very strange for Star, as she felt constantly on edge especially since Cal seemed to be enjoying telling all their friends about them moving and that it was _his _baby. She chose just go along with it, knowing that it was the likeliest outcome (at least in her mind). Another reason she was choosing to play happy families this way was because his slight outburst in Pulses had put her off a little bit, the anger shocking her. Not everyone was around during the day though, as many had attended last night due to the major incident RTC, and so weren't working until near enough the end of the shifts both Star and Cal were working. It felt weird not having Ethan there to talk to, as they'd become quite a close knit pair, and things might've been different if she'd had the opportunity to talk to him about this. She made the decision to call him later, figuring she should tell him before Cal did, just in case it caught him off guard or anything. Although she wasn't 100% of the state of the brother's relationship she didn't want any arguments too take place, as it was already a difficult situation for her to process. It was then that her old flatmates came to mind, should she talk to them? Or would Arthur tell them after what happened this morning? Was it even their business anymore? The thought of Arthur saddened her, as despite the relationship not being what it once was it was still one she had valued highly. Thoughts in the back of her mind questioned whether or not she made the right decision, but it was too late to turn back now. It all still seemed surreal to her, and it was clearly going to take a little while to process the split second decision she'd made.

As her shift drew to a much needed close Star headed swiftly to the locker, desperately wanting to go back to her flat, be alone, and reflect on the day that'd passed. As she entered she was met by the faces of Rita and Cal. Rita was just leaving, however, as Star entered the room but shot her a knowing smile, as she was aware of the news like the rest of the E.D team. Star smiled back at Rita, before looking over to Caleb.

"Hey, you heading off?" He queried, smiling slightly at her. She nodded slightly before responding,

"Yeah, I am, it's been a long day," She mused simply. This time he nodded,

"Mmh," He murmured, "Well, if you're not up to it tonight I'd like to take you out to dinner – maybe tomorrow? We could talk more about you more about you moving it, since it's all been a little sudden?" He suggested, his mood having swung as it now often did due to his recreational drug use. Star nodded simply once again,

"Sure," She replied plainly, taken aback at his change in mood. Before anything else could be said she headed off to get changed, even more confused than she previously was.


	23. Dialtones

Star wasted no time in getting into a taxi and to her flat. She leaned back on the door as she closed it and exhaled slowly, closing her eyes. After a few moments she slipped off her coat and stood up, she paused momentarily before heading over to the kitchen, dropping her jacket over the arm of her sofa on the way. She got herself a drink and then flopped onto her sofa, switching on the TV. She felt so numb, the decision she made that day beginning to haunt her mind. The rational side of her tried to convince her that it was the right thing to do, thinking of the companionship, and all the help it'd bring along with it, not to mention a father figure for the baby. This was one of the things that pushed her to say yes in that moment; this baby couldn't grow up to be like her. She channel surfed for a few minutes, before settling on a channel and picking up her mobile. Her fingers scrolled and swiped across the screen for a short while, before she ended up on her contacts with her finger hovering over Ethan's contact. He seemed to be the one she always turned to nowadays. Just as she was about to press the dial button a text notification went off, but she ignored it and pressed the call button. It rang a few times as she pulled it up to her ear before he answered,

"Hello?" Ethan said down the line.

"Hi," She replied, smiling to herself, "Are you busy? I was wondering if we could talk?" She asked, a little unsure quite how to tell him, as she knew he'd probably have objections.

"No, I've just started my break actually. Why, what's up?" He responded curiously, as Star had got there with the news before his brother.

"It's about Cal..." She began, taking a breath, "I just thought you should know, I've decided to move in with him..." She trailed of a little as she awaited his reaction.

"What?" He questioned, shocked. There was a brief silence, as she formulated a response,

"He proposed it to me yesterday, and I thought about it, it was all a little sudden… He asked if I'd decided and I said yes," She sighed slightly, "It'll be a good thing I think, I'll need the help and stuff so..." She explained, trying to convince both Ethan and herself.

"I suppose that's true," He mused, "What about the past..? And Arthur..?" He then asked gently.

"Arthur is no more," She stated simply, and a little sadly, "As for the past, perhaps this'll give me some sort of closure..." Star continued, trailing off a little, before adding, "He seemed genuine this time, he wants to fix it – be there for the baby,"

"If it's what you think is right, and it's going to make you happy then that's up to you," He answered, after listening to everything she had to say, and trying to sound supportive. In his opinion it wasn't a good move, but he could see her motives, and didn't want to upset her by calling her out on it. There were some voices in the background talking to Ethan, and he sighed, "Sorry, I have to go – no rest for the wicked!" He quipped, hanging up.

Star smiled to herself slightly, happy with the way he took it all. She then glanced at the screen, to read the notification from before. Just as she opened it her phone beeped again, and she looked down at the first message:

**From: Zosh**

**U ok? Call me! **** x**

Call her? What for? Did she want to hear about her new flat? Or did she know? A sigh escaped her lips and she opened the second message:

**From: Dom**

**You broke Digby **㈺4

Shit. They definitely knew. She flopped her head back on the sofa and groaned, with this being the worst way - in her eyes - for them to find everything out. Her pale fingers scrolled on the screen once again, and she dialled her sister's phone, deciding to get it over with and face the music. Zosia picked up almost immediately,

"Hey," Star mumbled slightly.

"Star!" Zosia greeted, "Is it ok if I put you on speaker? Dom's here too," She then asked, her voice lacking in emotion.

"Sure," A beep then sounded, indicating that Star had been put on speaker phone. "So, what's he told you?" Star then asked, choosing to just get straight to it, as it was clear they already knew at least something.

"That you broke up with him, _and _that you're jumping into bed with the other baby daddy," Dom stated matter-of-factly. Almost immediately she heard her sister hiss his name, and the soft sound of her hitting him. "His words, not mine – or at least that was the implied meaning," He then added quickly. Zosia sighed,

"Ignore him! Are you ok though? What exactly happened?"

"I don't know; it's not been great for ages, you two know that…" She started, choosing to be sort of honest, "Caleb made the offer awhile back, and I thought it through – I think it'll be good for me," She replied. Star then bit her lip, "How is he?"

"I see," Zosia replied plainly, not sure what to make of that, before Dominic cut in,

"He's angry, sad, but I suppose it's to be understood. It hasn't been right with the two of you for a long, I guess he should've seen it coming," He replied, making Star sigh little, as it wasn't really what she wanted to hear.

"It's like Chantelle all over again," Zosia remarked, smirking slightly, "But don't beat yourself up, he'll live," She said, hoping to ease Star's mind after Dom's emotional tact.

The group spoke for a little while longer, branching away from the topic of Star's personal life after a little while and just having a bit of a gossip; It was just like the old days – she missed those sometimes. After the call had ended and they said their goodbyes, she hauled herself up from the sofa, feeling a little strange to say the least. Telling and announcing this decision to move in with Caleb made it seem more real, and her doubts were continuing to set in. She pushed on however, knowing she had to ignore them and pursue the gut decision she had made. Now at a loss for what to do she padded into the empty kitchen and washed out her now empty glass. Her eyes glanced to the clock, and she decided she would go and shower before sleeping. Once in the bathroom she couldn't help but examine her body as she got undressed, scrutinizing her stomach as she often did. Although she didn't yet really have a visible bump she had definitely begun to put weight on; noticing these little changes were one of the things that never failed to excite her about the pregnancy – despite the whole situation. The shower helped relax her, as her anxiety hadn't been the greatest that day. As she got out and dried herself the thought of her own parents popped into mind, wondering when, and how, best to tell them about her moving yet again. When in her room she pulled on a strappy black vest top and pair of purple sweatpants, and headed into the kitchen to get her medication. Just as she swallowed the pills with a swig of water she heard her phones buzz from on the sofa, so headed over to see what it was. An email had popped up on the screen:

**To: Star Sheward**

**From: Connie Beauchamp**

**Subject: Maternity Leave**

**Hello,**

**I have passed on your letter and spoken to Mr Self, regarding the meeting. As it stands we will meet with you at the start of next week, most likely Monday morning. I have also spoken to Mr Levy, as I feel that him being present would be beneficial to you, as it will enable you to plan how you will complete this part of foundation training. Unless there is any clashes with timetables/prior commitments you will be able to speak to all 3 of us in the one meeting, rather than waiting to a later date to speak to the clinical skills tutor, as this way all the plans can be integrated and we can ensure a smooth transition between completing the year and leaving.**

**Regards,**

**Mrs Beauchamp**

Did that woman _ever _sleep or do anything other than work? She shook her head, but typed out a short reply, thanking Connie for her efficiency and such like. It didn't please her that her Dad would be there, but she knew there was no way of avoiding it; she just prayed he didn't make some sort of ridiculous scene in front of her colleagues and seniors. Star locked her phone before heading into her bedroom, and flopped down into her bed as she realised just how tired she was. It had been a long day – but she would need to get used to it, as they'd only get longer from here on in.


	24. Reflection

As Star walked into work that morning she couldn't have felt any worse; as well as generally feel run down she was also full of that all too familiar anxious feeling, as today was the meeting with Connie, Sacha, and her Dad. Needless to say she was dreading it, and it wasn't helped by the fact that over the weekend she'd realised that her stomach was now noticeably a little bigger, though it still didn't quite look like a bump; it seemed to show up more so when she wore her regular clothes, as opposed to scrubs. For example, today she had on a simple white shirt, patterned with small black hearts, and a plain black pencil skirt, (since she wasn't actually working that day but still had to look smart) and, at least to her, you could see her stomach filling out the top much more than it normally would've. She sighed upon entering the lift, which was surprisingly empty for once, however this didn't last long as they stopped at the floor Keller was on, and Sacha entered the lift, greeting her with his signature grin.

"Oh Star! Lovely to see you! Congratulations by the way!" He said, in the usual excited fashion he often did, and she gave him a small smile,

"Yeah, it's great to see you too, and thanks." She replied simply, although she was genuinely happy to see him, as she'd enjoyed working under him previously. The lift went up the next couple of floors, and the pair stayed in a comfortable silence. Star look a breath as the lift beeped and they exited, signalling their arrival on the floor where her Dad's office was. Allowing her to exit first, Sacha followed her along the corridor to the door of the CEO's office. She perched on one of the chairs along the wall, knowing that her Dad would come and get them, since he was likely busy.

A few minutes later both Connie and Guy appeared, and he ushered them inside so that they could all take seats around the small round table which was in the corner of the room. It was rather intimidating, having her Dad's stone cold glare and Connie's signature stare, that often showed next to no emotion, looking upon her. However as usual Mr Levy seemed as happy as ever, though this didn't do much to put her at ease. As the meeting went on her Father seemed to be shorter and shorter in his responses, his feeling startlingly clear. Due to this it hadn't been a particularly long meeting, and a date was settled on pretty quickly, with Sacha (And Connie of occasion) contributing mainly to this, as he wanted to ensure that she was able to complete her F1 year. Although she should've she didn't totally concentrate on everything which was being said, but got the main points at least. Her train of thought was interrupted however, as her Dad finally spoke up again,

"Right, well, if that's everything I really must be getting back to work." He stated, looking right at Star as he said this. Everyone nodded simply, and got up to leave, but Star swear she saw a slight glimmer of shock cross Connie's face as he said this, but she brushed it off. She was the last to leave, and before she left she turned around, catching the eye of her father. His face remained cold, and Star opened her mouth to speak, but changed her mind, and bit her lip before turning to leave, purposely closing the door quite heavily. What was the point? – He'd made his opinion clear enough the last time, and he'd had no contact, so in her eyes that was that. It was as she stepped away from the door that she realised it hadn't shut completely, and something was holding it open. She stepped closer, realising her Dad was stood there, and as he saw he'd been noticed he pushed the door open and this time it was him who started to speak, but Star swiftly cut him off.

"Save it." She snapped, realising she really wasn't in the mood for this right now. "I thought you had to get back?" She asked, raising a brow and glaring at him through the half open door. Before he could try and say anything else Star turned on her heel and made her way towards the lift.

_***Arthur's P.O.V – Monday Morning* **____** Amnesia - 5 Seconds Of Summer **___

_It'd been the weekend from hell. I've been in nightshifts for a start, and then that? Come to think of it this is the first time I've had a moment to think about it all, reflect on it. As much as I knew it was coming, I still don't believe it. I mean, I know how awful things have been lately – since the baby and everything – But it still feels so surreal. Even though we'd barely spoken the past few weeks it was only now that I'd realised just how alone I felt. Surprisingly it was the little things I was starting to miss the most, even simply having someone's company going to sleep at night. I might've been angry, but deep down I still loved her, but now it's gone. Something in me had always thought we were going to last, it was so strong at the start, though I guess that's what lying does... That was the worst part about it though, she hadn't even tried to hide the fact that she was running off with someone else, and him of all people. Maybe I'd been wrong all this time, and her heart wasn't in it after all, maybe the lie about the one night stand wasn't the only lie she'd told me while we'd been together. If had been then surely she couldn't have moved on as quickly as that. _

_There was something about the whole thing that bothered me though, it was that look on her face, the way she spoke. She seemed a little off… Almost nervous in a way. Surely I was imagining this, it's not like she cares anyway. I've not heard from her since, though why would I? She'd already made her feelings clear enough, I don't think anything else needs to be said. Dom and Zosia have spoken to her though, but they hadn't said much (Probably a lame attempt at sparing my feelings or something). Though they had confirmed to me what Star had non verbally told me, that she was going out with that registrar from the E.D. It hadn't surprised me though, I imagine that from her point of view there really was no contest, I mean for one he'd have more money, and she'd need that now, wouldn't she? They'd also said she'd seemed fine, which goes to show that she really didn't care about me this whole time, because how could she be fine otherwise – I'm not… Not at all… I might not have admitted it to anyone (Not to say that people haven't guessed), but I'll admit that despite all the stuff that's gone, I really do miss her._


End file.
